I Have Game. Do You?

I do not regret loving him. He was my dream. And I would've loved him until the day I die. He was that piece of sunshine. The pain comes with no warning. No trigger. It just comes. And it makes you gasp. Then you feel the tears. It comes unbidden and uncalled. You try to make sense of the movements around you because at anytime the tears will drop. And you won't be able to stop them. Then I think of what could've been. He chose someone else. When he should've chosen me. Me. I feel so broken. I who have done nothing but to love and to accept. And I control myself not to bawl and to make a scene.

It's been that long. And I'm still in love. It might be wrong. And maybe he's not in love anymore, with me. How pathetic is it that all I want is to be loved and to feel worthy of someone's attention and time.  Merry Christmas.

So it has come to this.  Pain really does put things in perspective. You look back and then you see small signs, subtle signs that should've set alarms off. Admittedly, I chose to ignore them because I chose to believe that love would conquer all. I was wrong. I realized that love is never enough. Never.  I've let myself down for so long, I don't know how I can trust my judgment again. It has failed me miserably. I have failed myself miserably. I am heartbroken. I can literally feel my heart contract and release, constantly reminding you that you live, you feel.  I need to pull myself together. I will not be crazy about this. I can do this. I can get through this.  Love. Tsk. Hell.

My craft room is finished! Hooray for making dreams a reality :) After 3 months of saving up and planning all the little things that come with constructing a room/extension. It took 5 or 6 days, I think, to finish the room. I decided not to put in insulation as I didn't have enough moolah. But, I will get that done soon. Dimensions: 1. The room itself is 6 feet by 9 and 1/2 feet. So it roughly took 3/4 of the veranda. 2. The table is 20 inches in width. Initially had that pegged at 16 inches. And they were able to finish that but I begged them to add 4 inches because I felt that it would barely hold the wide albums I use for my scrapbooks. They were able to do it, bless them. And the table wraps the 2 walls since I wanted lots of table space. 3. The table rises 33 inches from the floor. I wanted to make use of the space underneath for small cabinets (those buy-1-take-1 shelves in Shopwise which thankfully was still available when I made the trip). It's the same siz...

I have been in a relationship for the past 3 and a half years. It has not been the most ideal of relationships but there is a genuine love and compassion shared by us. For my part.

I saw 2 kids in front of our house, as we arrived from San Juan. They had no slippers on, their clothes were not that dirty but you could see that it had wear on it. The older kid was I think around 9 years old and thereabouts, and his younger sibling was around 3 or 4 years old. My plan was to give them some pastries and water but when the gate opened for the car, they walked away. And I was somewhat confused if I should flag them down and call them back, which in hindsight what I should have done. I watched them walk away around the corner. Maybe not 2 minutes later I got off the car and started following their footsteps and I reached the triangle where I could see far in the direction they took, but I couldn't see them.  I couldn't see where they were.  And I felt really bad. I can't explain it but I knew I should have reached out when I had the chance. I felt so bad that I cried. It was so frustrating and I knew it was my fault. I hesitated.  I went out...