In Pain But Never Broken.
It's over.
You have left and I am somber...yet I am thankful.
Somber because you did not get to feel and experience my love and my passion, the taste of my kisses and the warmth of my touch. You passed up the opportunity to have my devotion and my loyalty.
Thankful because now I can heal in peace.
I genuinely cared for you and when you left, nights were spent thinking if you were thinking of me, of what had gone wrong. Days had me dazed and confused. Laughing and smiling began to be a chore rather than a reflex action. I ached for you. You nearly had me and all you had to do was to extend your hand but a little further.
At one point I felt the need to confront you and the need to hear the truth from you. I wanted closure and I wanted it so bad that the pang of hurt in my chest, sometimes, would make me gasp. There were so many questions which only you can answer. I had faltered in my quest. I was in pain. I was in tears.
But I was never broken. My heart...somewhat, but my character still intact. My spirit stronger.
The pain reminded me of what I had believed then: I still have a life so I have to live it. And I will.
I have realized that I will be fine without you. It was a painful realization. But I knew it was a realization that I have to act out. I have to go through it. I have to own it, come hell or high water.
No, I am not angry at you...in fact I still care for you. And I don't blame you either for the pain. It was of my own doing. I let it upon myself. I permitted myself to succumb to the calling of my emotions and my needs as a woman.
Maybe, just maybe...someday, I can call you a friend. As of now, I have enough worthy friends to laugh with me through more heartaches and to be with me for 5 lifetimes. I don't need another friend.
I will now smile, everyday, even if I don't feel happy. And I hope that, one day, I will just find myself smiling because I am truly happy.
You will always be a memory and you played a role in my crazy life. You have come and now you have gone. A closed cycle.
You have left and I am somber...yet I am thankful.
Somber because you did not get to feel and experience my love and my passion, the taste of my kisses and the warmth of my touch. You passed up the opportunity to have my devotion and my loyalty.
Thankful because now I can heal in peace.
I genuinely cared for you and when you left, nights were spent thinking if you were thinking of me, of what had gone wrong. Days had me dazed and confused. Laughing and smiling began to be a chore rather than a reflex action. I ached for you. You nearly had me and all you had to do was to extend your hand but a little further.
At one point I felt the need to confront you and the need to hear the truth from you. I wanted closure and I wanted it so bad that the pang of hurt in my chest, sometimes, would make me gasp. There were so many questions which only you can answer. I had faltered in my quest. I was in pain. I was in tears.
But I was never broken. My heart...somewhat, but my character still intact. My spirit stronger.
The pain reminded me of what I had believed then: I still have a life so I have to live it. And I will.
I have realized that I will be fine without you. It was a painful realization. But I knew it was a realization that I have to act out. I have to go through it. I have to own it, come hell or high water.
No, I am not angry at you...in fact I still care for you. And I don't blame you either for the pain. It was of my own doing. I let it upon myself. I permitted myself to succumb to the calling of my emotions and my needs as a woman.
Maybe, just maybe...someday, I can call you a friend. As of now, I have enough worthy friends to laugh with me through more heartaches and to be with me for 5 lifetimes. I don't need another friend.
I will now smile, everyday, even if I don't feel happy. And I hope that, one day, I will just find myself smiling because I am truly happy.
You will always be a memory and you played a role in my crazy life. You have come and now you have gone. A closed cycle.
Now, your part in my life is over.
Comments
here's to angsty, broken-hearted, blog posts all over the world
cheers! :)
take care!
S M I L E ! :)
love you :)
@ahia mell: As always, I will keep on. Take care, ahia.
@say: I know that, sweetie. Thanks for letting us drink nung Sunday. Miss ko na si Pareng Empoy. But seriously, thank you. I love you, Say. Mwah! See you soon.
o siya lis na ko, ang pogi pogi mo talaga ! :D
@barenaked aka jill: Yeah, I know dadating din siya. Guess he's just taking his sweet time =)
@Tanda: Thanks. I've been in this situation oh-so-many-times already. And it always feels like it's the first time you got hurt. :( But I'll pull through. =)
@cyberpunk: I'm getting the Persian cat soon *love* Cannot wait to have him with me. Haaay. And yes, animals are waaaaaaay cuter than men. Grr.
take care! :)
Ingat!
@normi: I braced myself at the beginning. But it seems you're always NOT ready for the pain. It surprises you. You're caught off guard. I still see him, we work in the same building. I always move away from him, never letting him see me.
Thnaks Normi! I love you, anak. I miss you. Inuman na ito.
im still looking for my closure.
well, i was in the same boat also not too long ago. and it was a hard struggle.there are still bit of denial and hurt once in while but after 6 mos, i could say i survived the tsunami in my life.
you sound really strong and in focus. i guess that what matters now..real peace and happiness come only with an open acceptance what is reality today..You are better off without him dear.
stay positive. love will come at its sweetest time.
cool blog. take care sweetie.
::hunnytin.blogspot.com
oh no. on the contraire. =)
I smile and laugh with gusto now. Not as much as before, but I'm getting there.
For me, he was worth every tear.
I guess, maybe, he just found someone who was worth more than I.
But he will never find someone who can make him happy as I could've.
Shoot. *bitter-alert* Haha.
It's not easy but, hey, there's no way around it.
Ingat!