I Have Game. Do You?

I'm in Australia for a 2-week training. We're in Brisbane and I just have to say - Brisbane, I love your weather! =)

Earlier today I went through my college yearbook in search of an address. After writing down what I needed, I was going to slip it back to its place on the shelf when I spied my high school yearbook tucked at the back of the shelf. I reached for it and gingerly took it out of its place, not wanting to get any of the dust on my face. I grabbed some tissue, sat on the floor of my room and started cleaning the 15-year old thing. When I was satisfied with its state of cleanliness, I started to go through 4 years of memories. I can't explain the emotions that I have right now after looking at the pictures, the funny anecdotes and hirits captured forever in its pages. I'd feel regret that I wasn't able to get close to numerous people who I thought had the most interesting personalities and then immediately feel comforted that somehow I tried in my own little way. I laughed out loud at the 1st page that chronicled our freshman cheerdancing competition. Well, it was supposed to chr...

An excerpt from Pablo Neruda's Cat's Dream I should like to sleep like a cat, with all the fur of time, with a tongue rough as flint, with the dry sex of fire; and after speaking to no one, stretch myself over the world, over roofs and landscapes, with a passionate desire to hunt the rats in my dreams.

January 25, 1933 – August 1, 2009

It's 3:52am. Still jobless. Yesterday marked my mom's 1st death anniversary. A year just flew by -time really does fly. I miss her every day. I miss my dad, too. Not a day passes that I do not think of and miss them. I still choke and get teary-eyed just thinking of my dad. Moreso with my mom. And I can not believe that I do not have them with me as I go through hell. 2009 started out pretty well for me, but the past few months have been difficult. I think my family does not know the extent of my pain and frustration the situation has created for me. I'm still trying to understand things and talking with friends who are going through the same thing greatly helps - but it's not enough. Everyday is just painful. Everyday is torture. I can truly say that I do not know how things got out of hand. I was just in the middle of the crossfire, minding my own business, and I end up getting shot. Over and over again. And just when the last breath leaves your mouth, your whole life...

Happy Birthday Mommy! I love you. I miss you. *Happy Birthday to Kim Hyun Joong, too.

It has been raining in Manila for the past 2 or 3 days. The wind was strong, especially last night - our Balete tree fell. Can you imagine a Balete tree falling? Well, it wasn't that big but still. I'm glad the Langka tree is staying strong. Good for her =) When I was in my grade school days, I'd be real happy when it rains because it means no classes! I wouldn't have to think up of an excuse not to go to school. Hahah! But I also remember my dad saying the rain also brings good luck - whenever we had a birthday in the family it would always rain and that's what he would say to us - swerte. When I entered college and started to date seriously and have these tragic relationships I'd associate the downpour with the tears I have shed and have yet to shed. Ang cheesy! haha! But it would prompt me to put on sad music and think about my failures. Ka-dramahan talaga. It's different now. When it rains I feel like grabbing a good book, situate myself on a cozy sofa a...

On February 24, 2009 my nephew's schoolmate and former classmate Amiel Alcantara died in a tragic car accident. During his wake, they gave out Thank You bookmarks with his picture and a short prayer from St. Therese of the Child Jesus. At the back was a poem - Safely Home. When I first read the poem I had to go to the bathroom because I had to cry so much. I kept thinking of my mom. I kept the bookmark with me because I realized how I love the poem and its meaning - for me. I'd like to share it now. This is for everyone who has lost someone in their life. Take comfort in these verses. SAFELY HOME I am safely home in Heaven, dear ones; Oh, so happy and so bright! There is perfect joy and beauty In this everlasting light. All the pain and grief is over, Every restless tossing passed; I am now at peace forever Safely home in Heaven at last. Did you wonder why I so calmly Trod the valley of the shade? Oh! But Jesus' love illimined Every dark and fearful glade. And He came himse...

Blogging from an internet cafe just outside of the Ina Mansion Hotel in Baguio. Still downloading SS501 videos as I type. Facebooked for a while but didn't really linger - just checked my messages. Been here since Friday 11am. Left Manila at 5:00am. Once we were settled in my 2 nephews played their PS2 while I took a nap. We had dinner in Mamawell's Korean Restaurant and then went to SM to get groceries for our breakfast for the duration of our stay. They also wanted play online that's why we went here, too, last night. Earlier we went to Camp John Hay to have lunch and browse through the merchandise in the Mile Hi center. Took lots of pictures - well, my nephews took a lot of pictures. Hehe. We also went to the Teacher's Camp Museum and had lots of pics there too. We then went back to SM to get my brother's jeans which he had fixed. While waiting for them, my sister and I went to Surplus Shop and we were able to buy a few shirts and I was able to get a black coat -...

I am truly sad. I didn't know that Randy Pausch has died! I had to check several articles to check if it was true - and it was. I just can't believe it. I mean, how can I not know about this?! And then I remembered the date of his death - July 25, 2008; just 3 days after my mom died. Have you watched his Last Lecture? Do so. You're probably going to hear stuff you've heard before, I have. But he's charimastic enough you'll want to do what he has shared. I'm definitely trying. It's hard, but I'm trying my best. A few points from his lecture I'd like to share (in no paticular order) - 1. When we make a mistake, we say sorry. But what we forget to do is rather important - how you can make things right. It shows your sincerity. 2. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. 3. Material things are just material things. When he got a new car he picked up his sister's kids for a trip. His sister then lectured the kids that they...

I'm crazy over SS501 . There, I said it. Haha! *sigh* Mga peste 'tong mga boys na 'to. My high-school-girly self is emerging - again. I'm not really fond of Korean dramas except for Princess Hours . Then I had the chance to watch an episode of Boys Before Flowers in YouTube - and I was hooked. :) Crush ko si Kim Hyun Joong *kilig* and so I did my research and found out he's part of a Korean boy group. How adorable. Shiyet. Hindi lang ako marunong mag-Korean. Leche.

A week has passed. I still hurt from the experience. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think of the circumstance which made me leave. I miss my team, my leader, sitting in Row 4 and making Wi asar :p My team also gave me a card. And I read the card while I was having my nails done. I almost cried. I miss my team. I miss my friends. I miss the people I have worked with for almost 5 years. *cries*

So I went to the Scholastic Book Fiesta Sale yesterday at around 4pm. And I was disappointed because most of the books I wanted were not available. Last time I was there I got HP books, Hardy Boys and Totally Spies, 39 clues too. I was looking forward to purchasing more HP books (boxed sets) and Narnia books and Inkheart but wala na nga daw. Oh, sadness. Hehe. Went home after 30 minutes of just going around the place and passed by Pioneer Centre to buy my Cranberry juice and parmesan for the pasta I'll cook today. Our house is a mess because of the installation on the laminated floor boards. I tried to clean as much as I can but I really can't do anything unless everything is finished. My sister and I thought of sorting everything into boxes - for selling, for giving away, for throwing out. I was able to go through my mom's elephant figurines and they were extensive. Maybe 60-70 pieces my mom collected and received over the years. Our kasambahay, Ate Judit...

Before i went to sleep last night, I told myself I'd update this space as much as I can... since i have all the time now. Haha. Thursday, April 30 was my last official day at work. Passed my resignation the night before. The day reminded me why I hate good-byes. My team has taught me so much in the past 4 months. And I hope I was able to teach them a thing or two. It's hard to suddenly have your life changed by a circumstance you never thought would occur. I hated the thought I made them cry :( Met up with Fats, Jehan, Ann - waited for Kizzy to log out and then went to Shang for dinner and coffee. I love my friends. Note: I've always wanted to leave, and the only reason I stayed after all were because of the people I worked with. Went home at around 10pm, I think. I already miss Kizzy and my team. *cries* The next day, Labor day - prepped for the Pansol retreat with my barkada. Met Mayet at Petro C5. Villa Delicia weekend - videoke, poker, swimming, kwentos, no sleep at all...

How can you hide from what never goes away? =(

Posting an announcement - a family friend needs blood type AB+, please read on and help if you can: ------------- Hi! Thank you for responding to my post. Have you ever donated platelets? My bro-in-law has myoloma (blood cancer), getting a stem cell transplant in Mkt Med now and the blood type he needs is rare. We need about 8 people. If you are AB+, am sure you know how rare it is. Screening will be anytime starting now, transfusion to patient starts March 23 and your platelet will be needed after March 23, in Makati Medical. Here is a list that the med. tech will ask you if you go for screening. As not to waste your time, pls see if you are qualified. Your vein in your inner elbow should be considered HUGE. 1. 18 - 60 yrs old 2. At least 110 lbs 3. No history of hepatitis 4. Not high blood 5. No teeth extraction for at least 1 year 6. No tatoo or earpiercing for at least 1 year 7. No major or minor surgery for at least 1 year 8. Have not gone to Palawan or Africa for at least 1 year ...

I got excited watching the X-Men Origins movie trailer . It was great. I had to watch the Watchmen trailer all over - this was awesome. I also grew up watching Star Trek so I'm pretty hyped up about the Star Trek movie ! Harry Potter is also up this year. Astroboy , too. And of course, Transformers 2 . My neffie, Raymund, is really itching to see Dragonball Evolution . Ang dami!

I've been wearing my glasses for 2 days now. I had to stop wearing contacts because my eyes were tearing up. *sigh* I lool like a geek. =) I'm having issues wearing them since I want to puke every five minutes. Ugh. My headache is killing me. I have to stop working every 10 minutes and remove my glasses, close my eyes for a while. Oh well. I didn't wear my glasses while I was walking to the bus stop in Ayala and, not being able to see clearly, it had me thinking that I should notice people more: their features, movements, mannerisms. Earlier I found myself looking at my team mates, maybe staring at them even! I was noticing A's dimples, W's nervous blinking, J's shiny bald head, P's nice complexion, AA's darker skin, K's highlights. These were nothing new to me but I felt compelled to commit them to memory. I also noticed myself: how my pinky would twitch when I tie my hair at the top of my head or when I write in my planner how my pen would write th...

Back to square one. After years of restraint, of repressing the pleasure and satisfaction I know I will gain. All of it - a waste of my effort. I'm unsteady on my feet. My head spins. My stomach full of butterflies. It's all coming back to me now.

Someone just asked me what's new with me. I wasn't able to reply. Then he asked if me if I had, at least, plans. I was dumbfounded. I immediately realized - I had no plans. Yuck. Points to ponder for the next few days. *sigh*

I splurged. Now I'm broke. Haha. My hard-earned money spent on a new laptop! Sanay naman ako ng nagtitipid eh. I'm just thankful that I have the things I have. And I have the people who really matter close to me, healthy and nourished. Matagal ko nang alam na materialistic akong tao, but c'mon who isn't? I crave for the newest gadget and the trendy shoes. I covet new leather bags and wish I could buy every book I've wanted. Yet I know I won't be able to bring those to my grave. I crave and I covet but I don't steal and lie. I'm not fond of scammers and I know quite a few. And it pains me to see people who lie and cheat get ahead of people who do a clean job. Unfair diba? But yes, life is unfair - but it doesn't have to be. **** I miss my mom and my dad. Wish I was a kid again. No worries, no issues. The years are again passing me by. *sigh*