Pardon me.

I'm a very sensible person. I am amiable. Geez, sometimes I'm too nice for my own good. If you treat me with the respect and good nature I deserve I will extend the same courtesy to you. But treat me unwisely, I may--hell--I will give you a piece of my mind, a short but big piece of my obscene and crazy mind.

I've been called a bitch several times. I don't mind. It's true.

You don't call me or ask your friends to call me on my cell phone, call me a bitch, and then hang up.

You don't ask your male friends to call me at an ungodly hour to roughly ask me for sex.

You don't call my home and tell the people I love I'm a no-good woman. Hell no. You do not drag my family in this mess you created.

You say you read through my blogs and one of these days you'll post my entries in yours, and on your friends’ blogs, to expose my so-called ‘secrets’. Why not do it now? And do I really merit such recognition from someone of your stature and level?

You think you got me figured out just by reading my blogs?

Think again.

I don't appreciate being called names by people who do not know a single true thing about me.

I may not be innocent, but I sure hell know when to back off from someone who's already taken.

Tell him to stay away from me. I already told him that; maybe it's time you did too.

I admire people who can look me in the eye and tell me what they feel. I don't have much time for cowards.

I pity you.

I've never lost a pussy fight in my life and I sure won't start now.

Remember: I did not pick this fight. You did.

Bring it on, bitch.

Random Thoughts.

Just random thoughts for now...

***Am on leave! Sa wakas. A long weekend ahead for me. If my beach trip to Puerto Galera will not push through... hmm... will change my template ...again. Hehe.

***Oh, yeah, will have to finish burning those Harry Potter audiobooks and mp3s to CDs which I owe Aiah, Krissy, Louie, and Nenny.
***Argh. Am tempted to change my layout all over again...

Ano ba?!

***Beach House 04.05 has been out for a week or two now and I'm still waiting for my order. I've been hearing a lot of good things about the tracks in it. A handful of old familiar tracks are in it but with a new mix.

Excited nako.

Leche. Ang tagal ah.

***Will be meeting my good friend, Chris, tomorrow for lunch. She'll be getting married in June 2006 and so we'll be going to Mang Ben Farales' shop in Manila tomorrow for the finalization of the gown designs and measurements. I have 2 Farales gowns already, and am now making room in my closet for my third one. Hehe.

Ayan, may panahon pa para gutumin ko ang sarili ko :lol: Struggle ito.

***I've completed the stickers needed for me to claim my Starbucks backpack... yung merchandise na lang which my sister will be purchasing tomorrow.

Thanks to Louie, Kitty, Kerry, and my dearest ate Rhea for contributing to the 'sticker collection.' Gudjab!

***Had another encounter with my cute tall geeky officemate *himatay* but will keep that to myself muna.

Whathelz? Hmm. Will update soon with something that has sense. Swear.

Yun.

***Twisted sunshine, still freaking twisted.

'Nyeta. *points to self* T-a-n-g-a.

Of Past Lives and Lessons.

With nothing to do when I got home from work early today, I decided to clean my mess of a study table. Going through the drawer I came across the journal that I kept under lock and key. I've almost forgotten about it. My heart skipped a beat as I opened it with its key, knowing full well that opening it and reading past memories would rekindle some small amount of sadness, guilt, and anger.

I was flipping through its pages when I my eye caught the thick red pen writing. I opened it and I was transported back to the year 1999. Argh.

Had a knack for using the vernacular for poems, essays and journal entries. I love the fluidity of Tagalog prose and sentences, of how it comes together to form a thought. Hmm. Maybe I should write my next entries entirely in Tagalog. Anyway - I digress.

I'm very candid about my life in this blog, but this is nothing compared to what I have written in my journals. They contain the inner workings of my true self.

At the end of this entry, permit me to use the vernacular for my closing remarks.

Read on...

"Para akong pinagbuhatan ng kamay ng tadhana, pinagtatawanan ng panahon. Pinagsasaluhang apakan ng mga mababangis ngunit tahimik na mga katauhan ang pag-asa kong makakita ng liwanag.

Alam kong malaki ang pagkakasala ko sa Kanya. Naging masama akong tao sa saglit na panahon na iyon. Binigyan niya ako ng isang suliranin na akala ko nuon ay napakadaling desisyunan. Ngunit ng iniharap Niya sa akin ang guhit na maaaring ikabago ng buhay ko, nagawa ko ang hindi ko inaasahan. Naunahan ako ng takot at kaba. Walang pinakinggan at pinagkatiwalaan. Tinalikuran ko ang nag-iisang taong alam kong lubos akong aalalayan at aalagaan.

Lubos kong pinagsisihan at pinagsisisihan ang kamalian ko. Gabi-gabi ako kung humingi ng tawad sa Kanya.

Pero pinalibutan ako ng mga taong hindi nakikiramay sa aking pagbangon. Pilit pa nilang ibinabaon ang pagkatao ko sa isang malalim na hukay na puno ng poot at pag-aalinlangan.

Wala nang makakatulong sa akin. Lahat ng nag-alay ng kanilang kamay sa pangako na ako'y tutulungan upang makabangon ay lumisan na rin.

Nag-iisa sa gitna ng magulo at makasarili na mundong kinagagalawan ko. Nakabitag sa isang hawla, pinagkait sa akin ang liwanag at init.

Pinabayaang matuto mag-isa. Pinabayaang masaktan. Hinayaang maghikahos.

Sinubukan kong ibaon sa limot ang nakaraan ngunit hanggang ngayon ay pasan ko ang nakalipas na masalimuot.

Kailan ba matatapos ang sakit? Kailan daraan ang paghihinagpis?

Mas mahusay ngang humimlay na lamang ako. Maghihintay sa ilalim ng takip-silim sa isang pangakong mabuhuhay akong muli."

Pagkatapos basahin ang mga talatang ito isa lang ang masasabi ko:

Salamat na lamang ako'y nakabangon. Sa kasalukuyan, ako'y hangal pa rin ngunit kasabay nito ako'y mas masidhi, mas mapusok, mas maalam, mas malakas at pinatibay ng tadhanang tinahak ko.

Desperately Wanting. Part II.

Friday shift.

Twas our 4:00am lunch. Krissy, Louie, and I were at one side of the table facing the TV in the pantry. Kerry was on the other side facing Krissy. TV was beside the door.

Halfway through my Pork Teriyaki, the door opened and in came... my cute geeky officemate... without glasses *himatay* Took all of my self-control not to smile stupidly as he passed by our table to the water dispensers located at the back of the pantry.

My peripheral vision told me that Kerry and Krissy were looking at me with this knowing look. I felt my cheeks burning.

Of course, Lucio was with us so I braced myself for the onslaught of hirits...

"Hey, ----!" blah blah blah (hindi ko na matandaan yung flow...)
still Lucio, "----, kain tayo."
"Bakit Louie, susubuan mo ako?" said he.
"Hindi..."

Oh my God, ang poise ko...steady lang...

"...pero si Rose, susubuan ka niya."

I almost choked on my pork teriyaki...

Kerry and Krissy couldn't help themselves, they laughed and laughed and laughed...

Out of nowhere, I just heard myself jokingly say, "Sabi ko na nga ba ako na naman eh..."

*Oh, how I wish...*

sigh sigh sigh

Hala. Naloloka na naman ako.