Friday, January 27, 2006

Peaked.

Been there. Done that.

If you can relate to this entry... isa lang masasabi ko.... adik!

*******************

I stumbled out of the cabana as fast as I could. I simply needed air. And space. Lots of it.

When I reached the porch, I held on to the banister as I tried to pull myself together.

Fuck! This was not a good idea!

Fuck! It wasn't supposed to feel this way!


My head was pounding and I felt my stomach lurch as the alcohol took its toll. I couldn't see straight.

It's not even an hour yet!

I closed my eyes, and I tried to relax. I took long deep breaths, trying to make sure I had enough air circulating in my lungs and in my veins.

After 2 minutes I could feel the tension dissipating from my arms, my back.

I was feeling better with every breath.

When I felt steady, I straightened myself and took stock of my surroundings. There was a steady wind, and I could taste the salt in the air. I gingerly took a few steps toward the stairs that led to the darkness and the beach in front of me. I took the first step.

Okay, still standing. 2 more.

Once I felt the sand underneath my feet, I was on steady ground.

I walked a few paces until I came to a coconut tree. I leaned onto it with my arm. Then I saw the full moon. I wondered why I didn't see it earlier when I was in the porch, and then I realized that the coconut tree was blocking the view and the light.

I saw a star... and another... and another... then another... each star I saw was brighter than the first one!

Woooow. 'stig.

Couldn't look down. All I saw were stars and lights.

It was a clear night. Good for peaking.

And that was what I was... peaked
.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Of lists.

January is ending in the next few days and I haven't posted this list, a thank-you list, I made in December.

I'm making time to remember and appreciate...


- for my nephews and niece: they are my 'joie de vivre.' They keep me on my toes every-freaking-day! They give me heart palpitations and menacing headaches but they never NEVER fail to make me smile with their antics and butterfly kisses; for making me laugh at the most opportune time and giving me the best hugs;






- for my mom, for making me feel loved and special any time of the day; my kuya and my ate, for always looking out for me even if I'm old enough to live on my own...





- for JM remote desktop... er, will not elaborate... hehe...


- Starbucks' Double White Chocolate Mocha for keeping me awake for my almost-a-year 12mn to 9am shift...






- for all those sushi days and nights...





- for my best friend Raffy (and the rest of our friends), for never judging me, for being there when I feel the pangs of loneliness creep under my bedroom door; for being my comfort zone and sumbungan when things don't go my way; for celebrating with me and gently patting me on the back when I succeed...



- for Meiji's Dark Chocolate bar

- for Yakisoba's Spicy Chicken

- for cute cats and kittens

- for birthdays and anniversaries

- for the thought I can still be loved and desired.

I have so many things to thank for and I'm sure this entry will not be enough to list them all down.

No -- no wishes, no resolutions. Whatever 2006 has to offer me...

I'm taking it all in.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Manny... wins!

Mabuhay ka, Manny Pacquiao!

Awesome 10 rounds, Pacman!

Woohoo!

Friday, January 13, 2006

Beyond Repair.

It's funny: I finally met a guy who exceeds all of my expectations and wants in a man. BUT he's not mine.

And I think he doesn't want to be.


It's funny.


And it's sick.


AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.


Ugh.