Choice.

I attended a seminar the office was conducting called Quest for Personal Mastery (QPM). The seminar discussed how well you know yourself (personal mastery nga eh!); how well you know your goals and objectives; when to tag tasks as important and urgent or important but not urgent; when to take a break from the chaos; and, what are the standards by which you live by.

The seminar did not disappoint and we ended the day feeling good about what we've discovered and shared with the other participants. I was particularly happy because for the longest time I've wanted to compose a Mission Statement and much to my delight QPM helped me compose one. I was so proud of having written it I immediately saved a draft of it here so I can share it thereby ensuring I would have a follow through.

This was a good 2 months ago.

I haven't published it as you may have noticed.

Honestly, I'm scared to publish it. Scared like a wet cat under a car with nowhere to go.

It hurts to admit this: I'm afraid I won't be able to live up to that Mission Statement. I think I'm afraid that by having (and publicizing) this Mission Statement my actions will be restricted and guarded.

Isn't it that when you have a Mission Statement it's supposed to strengthen your resolve to make the right decisions, to do the right things? Now, I find myself asking for justification for having one at all. If I do live this Mission Statement of mine, will it actually prove that I am mature enough, that I have learned enough?

I'm tempted sometimes to throw the piece of paper away or just throw caution to the wind as what I've always done.

Funny, I've done something I've wanted to do for such a long time yet here I am unsure of what to do next: to abide by it or to just throw it away.

I know it is a choice I will have to make... on my own.

I need a vacation.

Finally bought meself a spanking 160GB external hard drive.

Oh yeah.

I'm currently moving all of my files right now. And I am mighty pleased. My sister has been complaining that her 'space' has dramatically gone down. And she's blaming me.

Er well, you see, we just share 40GB of space so ubos agad yung kalahati - and most of hers too - because of my files. You have to understand... I have my needs for crying out loud!

Another good thing about having this good-looking gadget is that I can now access all my files (movies, music, pictures, documents) using the PC or my laptop. I also love its security feature: this baby is password protected.

Hah! My porn files are safe!!!

Ah, er, well, I mean, y'know what I mean...



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My best friend Mayette has just returned from her 3-week Asian backpacking romp and I can't wait to see her and hear all her stories. I would've loved to travel with her to Asia's exotic places but going on-leave for 3 weeks from work would find me unemployed upon my return. *sigh*

But I've booked a trip to Siam early next year. Alone. Wala lang. Maybe Mayette or Mishel would come with me but I've decided to go kahit walang kasama.

It would be an adventure, I bet.

*********

TGIF. Been working 12-hour shifts for the past week. We were doing a month's worth of evaluations in a week. Yet we were able to do our entry for the Spook-Up-Your-Station contest in the office!

Pretty neat, eh?

Oh well. I'm just taking it day-by-day-by-day...

As the song goes: I can't wait for the weekend to begin.

2 days ago I was planning on writing an entry similar to this. Stupid me checked his site and I know I shouldn’t have.

Because I know I’ll only get hurt.

Get hurt I did.

I am.

Fuck it. I still am.

A year ago I figured I would take the risk but I would be wiser. I would be stronger. I would teach myself to accept and then, finally, to forget.

Yet here I am still longing for him. Still pining.

Am I taking the wrong risks? Am I blind to the light?

I want to blame him for my misery but I won’t because all fingers will point to me.

If this is sanity then I want none of it.