Saturday, March 04, 2006

Twisted Sunshine. No more.

I'm lost in a sea of familiar emotions and pent-up feelings. Once again, Fate saw it fit to bring me to pain. Offering me a delicious platter of satisfying viand, only to snatch it away once my fingers were in reach for the taking.

I keep on walking with no destination in mind.

Blurred faces. Slow-motion world.

My mind races with images of skin against skin, lips against skin, my long hair tickling every inch of his chest.

I cringe. I stumble.

I stop and sit on the pavement with my palms up on my lap. My head bows, heavy with the memories of lust, of want, of longing. In the dark recesses of my mind I hear conversations and see typed words.

Oh, how memories and moments resurface with the pain.

My cheeks twitch, my lips tremble, my eyes begin to burn. Then I start to cry. I let the first tear fall. I do not attempt to wipe it away. I let it trickle down my cheek, down to my neck to my breast. The second tear comes, then a third... then comes the torrent of hurt and love and loss. I do not stop. I feel comfort in my damp face.

It has begun, the cleansing ritual I yearn.

I then feel cold drops of water on my open palm, and then another. My bare shoulders feel the dampness in the wind.

It begins to drizzle. I accept it by turning my face up to the sky.

I feel cold drops from heaven mingle with the hot tears my eyes has released.

It's raining now.

And I realize, this is how we started, in a middle of a storm.

And so this is how it also ends.


BernicE said...

updated na :) hehehe

... beachfreak said...

@ja Yeah, took me quite a while to write something, of what I felt. It's been a harrowing week and not just because of him, but a lot more.


BernicE said...

HIM... hay... honey dont forget your choice of tranquilizer heh

i like mine chocolate irish creme with cherries... one for you too.

dont wory girl, take it straight :) my treat (mahabahabang inuman)

... beachfreak said...

@ja: never tried that - chocolate irish creme with cherries... will try it soon.

k said...

i'm glad to see you "up and about" :)

here's to new beginnings. and new men. BETTER men.

... beachfreak said...

@cupcakekeith: Yeah, cleansing ritual is doing better than usual ;) Oh gawd... but hell yes, TO BETTER MEN! Kampay!

Quentin said...

er ... and here's to better women. heh heh


always, always be good to yerself

... beachfreak said...

@quentino: You're back! 8) Thanks for being so nice and listening to me when I knew I was just rambling on and on and on... =)

mitch said...

hey ate sofia. thanks for updating me with your link. nice doodles as usual. :)

... beachfreak said...

@mitch: No problem :) I liked your template as well, and I just noticed we both have 'deliverance.'


Thanks for catching up =)

eventuallypretty said...

i-rj's na lang natin yan hahaha...see you soon twinnie.

smile as always.

oy mr. montejo lilibre mo kami ha.
( ang triumverate ng mandaluyong)

... beachfreak said...

@patty: I'm fine. Letting go of it, of him was really hard for me, but he never wanted me so why stay?

Oo nga, sisig at bulalo lang ang katapat nito! ;)

Quentin said...

tara. sabihin niyo lang kung kelan. ako game ako nyahaha