Twisted Sunshine. Part III.

I just had to give in only to be left disappointed. Again.

Taaaaangina.

Somebody... anybody, please, hit me hard.

Tanginaaaaaa.

Tsong, nagkamali ka ng panahon para bitinin ako.

Tangina talaga.

Ayaw mo pa kasi ako diretsuhin eh. Napahiya pa ako.

Leche.

I'm so pissed with you that I wish you never get laid this 2006. No, I take that back. I hope you do get laid but you never get an abso-fucking-lutely good one.
I suggest you handle your ego with care and then shove it up your farking arse.

Grrrrr.

I still love you but I sooo hate you right now, you SOB.

Yeah, I said I won't write about you in my blog.

I lied.

And I'm sure, I am so damn sure, na you have no friggin' idea that I'm talking about you.

Flagged.

Once a month, I turn into this 2-eyed bitchy-as-hell monster who tries to bite everyone's head off for turning the tv volume too loud, or for waking me up too early,

It's the time of month when I wish I was born a man.

Do not mess with me for the next 3 days.

I'm irritable.

I am fury herself.

So keep your mouth shut and your nasty opinions to yourself.

What I need are hugs. Lots of it.

Late.

I know, late greeting. But what the fuck?

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

Tagged.

I was tagged by patty. Haha. Pathetic that I have been so remiss in going through my usual blog-rounds. I've been making myself real busy I've forgotten to visit my usual reads.

Anyway...

10 years ago

I was in my sophomore year in DLSU-CSB. Having the time of my life.

Completed the mandatory 'Community Service Program' with Gen, RJ, Tess, and Chee at 'Kuya Drop-In' Center. Rewarding experience.

5 years ago

Around this date, 5 years ago, I received a call from the DLSU-Graduate School of Business office informing that I have until February 2001 to enroll for my MBA. If I don't enroll, then I'd have to take the exam again if I wish to pursue my MBA. Issues from my gov't work got in the way. Sad.

A year ago

Just broke up with someone THEN met someone who would eventually break my heart.

Yesterday

I promised Kizzy I would fill her Starbucks card for her (for the Starbucks planner). I'm done with mine, and I've helped Leslie get hers, so I offered to help Kizzy out. By the end of the year the whole SBU QA Team will have each a Starbucks planner. Haha.

Went to Rustan's to buy godson Basti a gift. Planning to get the stroller but since I had no car yesterday, it wasn't meant to be. Hehe. Will pick up stroller in Shang Rustan's instead this Saturday when I bring my nephews to Kumon.

Tomorrow

Was supposed to be on-leave to go surfing with sis Mayette in La Union, but I have Training tomorrow, as luck would have it, and I need that training. Argh.

Going to the 14th floor Bazaar to buy gift stuffs and my lotion and fragrance instead of buying it in Greenhills.

Will order the chocolate giveaways from Cha Ems.

Today

I'm sick. I'm tired.

Did my reports. How I love Excel *gigil*

Not tagging anyone. But you can try to reminisce....

Hehe.

Invisible.

Yes, my dramatic-life-mode has been on again for quite some time. *sigh* Throwing myself at work with a passion people have difficulty understanding.

Steady lang.

I've bought my new phone, the Samsung e530. I was craving for the green one to match my iPod but I only had a choice of blue, pink, and orange. Girl as I am, I got the pink. Hah! Also, I've been promoted from QAA3 to QA01 [which gives me the opportunity to handle my own team in the next couple of months]. 6 months worth of hard dirty work. Alvin told me the stress was showing in my shoulders. And in the way I hold my stare. Oh dear, it's that obvious, huh? And I thought I was handling things just fine.

Crap.

Saturday afternoon was spent catching up on much-needed sleep. Got home from a post-shift meeting around 1pm, slept at 5pm and consequently woke up at 7am Sunday. I loved it! Hehe. I only got up once, around 4am, when Mayette called to say Say has been evicted from the PBB house and that they were on their way to Rembrandt Hotel to see her.

Happy and excited that I was for Say, I had to decline. I called Say just to catch up on things and to make her promise to go out with us soon. She sounded dazed somewhat, most probably with everything. Also got a text from Bianca asking where I was and that they were already in Jaipur.

Crap, crap.

Anyway, I woke up feeling energized. Cleaned my room, ran my errands. By 4pm I was bored. It was my barkada's Sunday night movie date but Alvin texted me the plan was just to chill in Bryan's house and watch some of his newly-bought dvds, and I should just come over anytime.

Went to mass first then went to Kamagong after. I brought some junk food with me so we had things to munch on during the 'dibidi' marathon. Hehe. Had some pizza delivered. Watched 40-Year Old Virgin, Deuce Bigalow 2, The Island.

As always, had an awesome time laughing my ass off with their hirits.

Went home at around 5am, smiling.

Thank God for friends who know the truth.







As the weekend passed, I made a bargain with myself and it has now come to this:
I miss you so much but I don't think you miss me too.
I want to be with you. What hurts is the thought [that] you don't want to be with me.
I hate it when you ignore me and act as if I don't exist.
I'm invisible to you.
I think I'm finally realizing how much I really do like you *gulp* and I think it's too late for me to do anything about it.
I believe this is the best time to say good-bye to you, my twisted sunshine.
You will be always be someone special to me and I hope you find that perfect woman you're looking for.
I hope she'll love you as much as I'm doing now.
And if you do find her, I only wish you'll love her in return.

No regrets.

Earlier today, a classmate of mine from Maestro Ryan Cayabyab's school of music and I met up. We haven't seen each other for awhile so we had a lot of things to catch up on. When she found out that my long-term relationship has gone kaput, I thought she was going to cry. She then asked - no -- she demanded how was I able to sustain a 6-year relationship? I was actually silent for, like, 10 seconds. She laughed out loud at my silence, cursing me that it was in bad taste I had to think. She and her man have just been together for 3 months and, like any new couple, would like to 'spend the rest of our lives together.'

Was it that easy for the both of us to just part ways and live individually? Hell, no. It's never easy. My nephews would always look for him, always asking if Tito will bring food or new games for the PS. My mom, during the first few weeks, would often slip and ask/tell me things: if he was still sleeping wake him up para mag-almusal; baka ma-late sa work; what time darating for dinner; pupunta ba for lunch...

Repeat after me: It's never easy.
Did we see it coming: to last this long only to break up? No. I've always thought that he would be the man I would marry. The man who would be the father of my children. I still remember a night, two or three years ago, before going to sleep, I told him I missed my period. He immediately had a big grin on his face then he asked me, 'When do we announce it? Nasaan yung phone ko...' His disappointment was evident when my period came 3 days later.

I loved him more after that.

She asked me, 'How can you let go of a 6-year old relationship?' Paano nga ba? Hehe. It was not easy. We tried really hard to make it work. But neither of us was growing. And growth in a relationship, well, you get the picture.

We grew apart. We talked about it, and he did accept his faults. I admitted my own faults as well. He cried. I cried. He wanted to hold on to what was left. I was torn between getting what I truly deserved and hanging on to what was left of a once-passion-laden, fiery-manic-driven 6-year love affair.
He took me for granted; I was tired of making him realize that.
He was contented with his life: laid-back and no worries. I am ambitious and I crave for challenges.
He wanted to stay behind me; I needed him to be beside me. It was my desire that if I was on my way up, so was he. With me.

But no regrets.

6 years was spent loving and caring for a wonderful man who devoted his whole being to loving me and caring for me. I was blessed to have met a man who was able to accept all of me. I consider myself lucky, until now, that I was loved completely by a man so gentle and kind. He took care of me when I found myself sick in my bed or ill at the hospital. He stood by and with me through the tougher times.

Cried with me, played with me, held my hand, made me smile.

Most importantly, he showed me a glimpse of what kind of woman I can become.

Eventhough we have parted ways, and have hurt each other without knowing it, 6 years is still 6 years. And was it some kind of ride.

I despise the circumstance of why we had to end it but there are things that you simply cannot change.