Sunday, July 17, 2005

Twisted Sunshine.

Nobody wants to have a twisted sunshine.

I don't want one. I don't need one in my current frame of mind. But after much deliberating, and then accepting the inevitable, I have surmised that I have one... much to my chagrin.

This twisted sunshine of mine makes me goofy-eyed. He plays tricks on my mind,
and secretly, on my heart.

When he lays a finger on my skin, I can't help but respond.

My twisted sunshine is there when I need him, when I am in want. He gives me what I crave, what I pine for. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile.
He makes me want to quit smoking.

He is always in the background, blending in with the crowd, only making his move when he sees fit.

I know he doesn't think much of me, except for the fact that we are friends.

Check that. Fact... friends... ?

Now it seems like I walk among faceless people. No direction. No destination.

Everything is a blur, alas, once again.

It's frightening because the urge to weep has left me. I don't feel the need for tears. Maybe I am beginning to be numb to the misery and pain.

It's sick, being honest to other people... when I lie to myself.

How lame is that?!

My twisted sunshine.

Maybe I should say 'No' one time.

Just one time...

then after that maybe my heart could just stop beating altogether.

20 comments:

Quentin said...

hush deary. it happens to the best (better? betterer?) of us.

it happened to me -_- eowww.

... beachfreak said...

@quentino: It's sick. Body-shaking-nerve-wracking sick.

He is my twisted sunshine. I wish I had the guts to tell him that. But I'm too scared to tell him, he might not stay at all.

Twisted. Ugh.

Quentin said...

i can't say i'm a friend enough to tell you what i think. i just hope that you don't harm yourself. atleast, not too much.

(or kung sadyang masokista ka e ... bentahan na lang kita ng posas muahahaha)

... beachfreak said...

@quentino: Actually, may posas na ko. Nyahahaha!

Hmm. I'm just tired, of everything. But at least I have my work. I'll just work myself to death and then party until kingdom come.

What else is there to do?

Quentin said...

what else is there to do?

well you could add to that 25 you're already doing. :}

like say, donate money to a hapless bloghopper (named quentin) and make this world a better place :} :} :}

... beachfreak said...

@quentino: Oh right, those 25 things... Hehe! Donate money...hmm...

eventuallypretty said...

share the money over here too. *lol*

rose why do we keep doing this to ourselves? ha? ha? ha? hehehehe... i had my twisted sunshine too. had meaning i finally went ahead and jumped over the cliff. with out someone to catch me.

and im back. a bit scarred but alive. :)

Quentin said...

maybe you two need to become lesbians. show us some of those sapphic love, oh yeah.

eventuallypretty said...

ha! di mo ko maiisahan sa girl to girl fanatsies mo dude tulad ng istyle mo kina chelo... mwahaha...

kahit ganyan kayo...sa lalaki pa din ako *sniff*

Quentin said...

hey, you'll never know when you're gonna snap.

... beachfreak said...

@patty: It's all my fault. I saw the mirage and I believed it to be true. Now, I'm still stuck between a rock and a hard place. Still pining. Still longing. For more.

@quentino: Aw, hell. Nothing against lesbians but I'm a-okay with my preference as it is. Crude, but a-okay. Haha!

barenaked said...

twisted sunshine? naka! u gotta deal with it... kaya mo yan! :)

... beachfreak said...

@barenaked aka jill Yeah, I guess that's what I have to do. But I'm not in love with him. Maybe he just awakens this deep desire within me.

Oh well. I'm just drunk right now...after 1 San Mig light, a strawberry margarita and 3 kamikazes, I guess.

Quentin said...

i hear your liver a-cryin'

Anonymous said...

...rosey...you also had a rhum coke...hahaha!

-sean-

... beachfreak said...

@quentino: It was cryin' all day, alright. Hehe.

@sean: Thank you for reminding me... =)

Dino said...

Whoa! Hey Rose, looks like youre going through something heavy these days (and no, i dont mean heavy days... iba yun). I may not have any words of wisdom to share or a magic spell to erase the feelings that are overwhelming you, but all i can offer is a strong shoulder lean on to, or to cry on if need be. Kayangkaya mo toh rose! Ikaw pa! ;p

... beachfreak said...

@dino: Dinooooooooooooo! Miss ko na ikaw. Last time I saw you was in April's despedida :( How's Nye?

Oh well, eto nagpapaka-'high school' ako. :lol: But I'm alright...for now...again.

Miss you, Dino :)

Dino said...

Miss you too rose! Ü Nye is ok naman, pero pareho na kaming night shift, so we spend quality time on the weekends, which leaves room for nothing else (well... i was able to squeeze the new Harry Potter book). Dont worry, punta kami sa bday bash ninyo ni Mayette!

... beachfreak said...

OMG. The party. Haha! we haven't decided where to do it. Grr. Basta.

I miss throwing those really crazy parties... *sigh*