I Have Game. Do You?

Just met you but you made such an impression on me. You were unassuming, but you listened, you heard, you giggled at the right moments. You kept to yourself but I knew your eyes were everywhere. And it unnerved me. I just find myself now thinking of you randomly and it's freaking me out. I don't need this. Shit.

I do not regret loving him. He was my dream. And I would've loved him until the day I die. He was that piece of sunshine. The pain comes with no warning. No trigger. It just comes. And it makes you gasp. Then you feel the tears. It comes unbidden and uncalled. You try to make sense of the movements around you because at anytime the tears will drop. And you won't be able to stop them. Then I think of what could've been. He chose someone else. When he should've chosen me. Me. I feel so broken. I who have done nothing but to love and to accept. And I control myself not to bawl and to make a scene.

It's been that long. And I'm still in love. It might be wrong. And maybe he's not in love anymore, with me. How pathetic is it that all I want is to be loved and to feel worthy of someone's attention and time.  Merry Christmas.

So it has come to this.  Pain really does put things in perspective. You look back and then you see small signs, subtle signs that should've set alarms off. Admittedly, I chose to ignore them because I chose to believe that love would conquer all. I was wrong. I realized that love is never enough. Never.  I've let myself down for so long, I don't know how I can trust my judgment again. It has failed me miserably. I have failed myself miserably. I am heartbroken. I can literally feel my heart contract and release, constantly reminding you that you live, you feel.  I need to pull myself together. I will not be crazy about this. I can do this. I can get through this.  Love. Tsk. Hell.

My craft room is finished! Hooray for making dreams a reality :) After 3 months of saving up and planning all the little things that come with constructing a room/extension. It took 5 or 6 days, I think, to finish the room. I decided not to put in insulation as I didn't have enough moolah. But, I will get that done soon. Dimensions: 1. The room itself is 6 feet by 9 and 1/2 feet. So it roughly took 3/4 of the veranda. 2. The table is 20 inches in width. Initially had that pegged at 16 inches. And they were able to finish that but I begged them to add 4 inches because I felt that it would barely hold the wide albums I use for my scrapbooks. They were able to do it, bless them. And the table wraps the 2 walls since I wanted lots of table space. 3. The table rises 33 inches from the floor. I wanted to make use of the space underneath for small cabinets (those buy-1-take-1 shelves in Shopwise which thankfully was still available when I made the trip). It's the same siz...

I have been in a relationship for the past 3 and a half years. It has not been the most ideal of relationships but there is a genuine love and compassion shared by us. For my part.

I saw 2 kids in front of our house, as we arrived from San Juan. They had no slippers on, their clothes were not that dirty but you could see that it had wear on it. The older kid was I think around 9 years old and thereabouts, and his younger sibling was around 3 or 4 years old. My plan was to give them some pastries and water but when the gate opened for the car, they walked away. And I was somewhat confused if I should flag them down and call them back, which in hindsight what I should have done. I watched them walk away around the corner. Maybe not 2 minutes later I got off the car and started following their footsteps and I reached the triangle where I could see far in the direction they took, but I couldn't see them.  I couldn't see where they were.  And I felt really bad. I can't explain it but I knew I should have reached out when I had the chance. I felt so bad that I cried. It was so frustrating and I knew it was my fault. I hesitated.  I went out...

So I did my grocery shopping earlier today in  Pioneer Centre . I bought some canned goods for my baon to the office, and some herbs, sea salt, low-salt soy sauce, etc, so I don't need to worry about what to eat during my lunch breaks or even breakfast. For dinner, I cooked some pasta, and tossed in some fresh lemon juice, basil, black olives, capers, onions, and garlic. Seasoned it with sea salt. And dinner is served! Here's the recipe, if you want to try it. *As a side note, this is my recipe, so if you want to change the quantity a bit for each ingredient, it's up to you. I love lots of garlic. I also love angel hair but I only had spaghetti. Extra virgin olive oil Dried Italian herbs *I use a mill Sea Salt to taste 2 heads of garlic (Taiwan garlic), pressed and chopped 2 medium onions, chopped Fresh Basil, chopped *I used some 30-35 leaves 100 grams of Capers in Vinegar, drained **I usually buy them by the small bottle (I heard that they have capers in sea s...

So I have decided to scrapbook my life this 2013. I've spent many days making journal cards, looking at color combinations and trying to get the colors right, visiting great sites of crafty people all over the world for ideas, looking at Pinterest to check out free printables that I could use, and even getting re-acquainted with Photoshop and Picasa. I was particulary interested in getting layers, depth, and texture, to my pages so I wondered how people were able to thinly cut paper to make it as a embellishment for their pages - from michellewooderson.blogspot.com   from seriouslybrains.blogspot.com   I could cut the embellishments and the words but, knowing myself, I'd do a lousy job, and it wouldn't come out as nice as the ones above. So I did my research and voila - discovered Silhouette Portrait ! I read the reviews and comments from the different blogs I visit and knew that I had to have it. So on February 9, I ordered one from Amazon, and had it shippe...

I'm in SM Marikina waiting for the love of my life. But I don't think he's coming.

Minsan talaga mapapaisip ka kung yung mga naging desisyon mo sa buhay, sa pag-ibig, sa trabaho – ay tama. Minsan napapa-iling na lang ako. Hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang desisyon ko, pero minsan talaga... Hindi ko na alam kung ang nararamdaman ko ay galit o inis. Basta ang alam ko hindi ko gusto yung pakiramdam na nagugulo. Siguro kasi nuon, bawat salita na lumalabas sa bibig ko ay napagiisipan ko muna bago ko siya mabigkas. Itong mga nakaraang buwan, bigkas na lang ako ng bigkas kaya yung mga ayaw ko masabi nailalabas tuloy ng bibig ko. Ang hirap magbago. Pero kailangan. Hindi maganda ang pakiramdam. Pero dapat. Sa ikakasaya ng minamahal.

I’m supposed to be composing a write-up but all I can think about is how I ruin your day. The letters are running all over the page. I feel hot tears trying to peek from the corners of my eyes. It is a pain to close them and not let them escape. And it hurts that when I talk to you, you reply with pain and anger in your voice. I want to tell you I miss you but I’m afraid I’d bawl and never stop. I know you told me that you can say hurtful words. But I never thought you’d say I ruin your day. Now that’s all I can think about.

I am sitting in front of my laptop. Yet I am not here. My mind is on overload. I haven't slept. And I can't eat, my appetite is gone. My heart aches every 5 minutes. And the tears continue to try to break free, threatening to fall anytime. I haven't been in this situation in a long while.

Just when I thought things were going my way life's curve balls caught me off-guard. I was rudely awakened from my fairy tale. I am so frightened by the possibility of the knight on his white horse galloping away from me. Lecheng YM yan.

I’m beginning to dread the weekends. Pathetic. I know. I don’t get excited when the weekend is near anymore. Thursday is beginning to become like a bad omen. And what’s even more pathetic is that I’d rather be in the office and occupy myself with the stress of my job than stay at home knowing I will never get the thing that I want anytime soon. I want to cry. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to be this way.

I haven't had the time to update this in such a long time. I've been busy with work, with playing around with Facebook, updating Pepato with all the apps I can get my hands on (well, from my sister, that is), watching all those wonderful 2PM videos in YT. Whew. I just wanted to post that. *Oh, and the Pablo Neruda book of poems I've been wanting to buy is sold out. *sadness* *My HTML powers have dwindled the past year, so I'm thinking of updating my layout and background and fonts. *I just checked my bank account balance and it's so depressing. I need to save up for my trip to South Korea this September. I want to buy a few things for the 2PM boys. I am praying that Jay comes back from Seattle by that time. I think it's going to be a sad visit to the JYP office, with all the Hottests post-its on the walls. But if he's not, I'm bringing a ton of post-its and I might ask Pinoy Hottests to send me theirs so I can post it for them. *I got the SS501 dvd from...

I'm in Australia for a 2-week training. We're in Brisbane and I just have to say - Brisbane, I love your weather! =)

Earlier today I went through my college yearbook in search of an address. After writing down what I needed, I was going to slip it back to its place on the shelf when I spied my high school yearbook tucked at the back of the shelf. I reached for it and gingerly took it out of its place, not wanting to get any of the dust on my face. I grabbed some tissue, sat on the floor of my room and started cleaning the 15-year old thing. When I was satisfied with its state of cleanliness, I started to go through 4 years of memories. I can't explain the emotions that I have right now after looking at the pictures, the funny anecdotes and hirits captured forever in its pages. I'd feel regret that I wasn't able to get close to numerous people who I thought had the most interesting personalities and then immediately feel comforted that somehow I tried in my own little way. I laughed out loud at the 1st page that chronicled our freshman cheerdancing competition. Well, it was supposed to chr...

An excerpt from Pablo Neruda's Cat's Dream I should like to sleep like a cat, with all the fur of time, with a tongue rough as flint, with the dry sex of fire; and after speaking to no one, stretch myself over the world, over roofs and landscapes, with a passionate desire to hunt the rats in my dreams.

January 25, 1933 – August 1, 2009