Thursday, November 03, 2005

Of Shots and Lost Causes.

J: (swallows the tequila with a grimace) You made a mistake. You made a wrong choice. Live with it. Masyado ka kasing passionate eh. Tsk. (pours me a shot) I-shot mo na yan.

Me: Ang dali ah. (looks at the tequila shot with disdain) You know, gusto ko lang i-share sa'yo; I read somewhere that anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time. And that there are too many mediocre things in life to deal with BUT love shouldn't be one of them. How true is that, 'no? And I believe that, I do. That's what I've been doing: when I fall in love, I make sure it's mad, it's passionate, and it's extraordinary. (shoots the tequila and looks for a chaser that doesn't have scotch in it) Hindi naman mali yun, diba?

J: (Takes the shot I hand him and looks me in the eyes) No, it's not wrong. You just have to know when to stop loving, when to stop being passionate. (lick, shoots and sucks) And you don't have to explain yourself to me - kilala kita. And yes, that's how you are. (looks at empty Pareng Jose Cuervo) Pero naman, tangina, tigilan mo na yan. He doesn't see you the way you want him to see you. (peers down then reaches under the table and his hand pulls out an Asti Martini) It's a lost cause.

Me: ... lost cause... shoot, I think I'm gonna be sick... (gazes tentatively at the slammer J is conjuring)

J: And can I be brutal again --

Me: Oh, don't stop...

J: -- you don't live up to what he wants in a woman. (slams the drink hard, twice, and hands me the frothy concoction)

Me: Salamat ah. Kaibigan ka talaga... (shoots the gadem drink in a gulp)

J: (looks more serious than when he admitted to smoking weed in my car) Simulan mo. Say goodbye. The sooner, the better.

Me: Give me another shot. And don't skimp on the Asti.

J: (conjures another slammer, and before he slams the shot, he hesitates then looks at me straight in the eyes) And if you think another romp in bed will make him stay then you aren't the smart friend I used to have.

Silence.

He slams the glass. But I don't hear it.

I drink the slammer but I don't taste it.

It's a lost cause.

That's all I hear. That's all I taste.

It's a lost cause.

20 comments:

kakeru said...

awwww roseypoo.... =(

raven said...

Just wanna say, I empathize with you. I'm going through the same thing right now as my boyfriend and I broke up just a month ago.

It's a hard pill to swallow --- not being loved the same way of the guy you love. But that's just how love is, you can't force anyone to love you. They have to decide it themselves. And the best thing you can probably do right now is to walk away with your pride and dignity intact, better yourself, and maybe... just maybe, they'll come running after you.

And if they don't, well, there's your answer babe. Why go for someone who doesn't value the beauty in you? Cheer up girl. It's true, there are many fishes in the sea. Be strong. :)

... beachfreak said...

@kerry: I need a hug =(

:'(

@raven: Shoot. You guys broke up na? Dang, then I haven't read all of your entries (if it's in your blog...) I'm sorry. But then, I'm not, because it means that there is someone much much better out there for you. =) I hope I can be optimistic for myself, but I don't know. Hay.

Thanks, raven.

Quentin said...

woo woo, be glad that you have those friends to tell you to "wisen up you silly, stupid moron"

i was like downing some zombie several nights ago and my friends were going at it like a bad episode of Dallas (oh god, did i ever watch those? doesn't matter).

so here i was, people know me as the 'unfoolish' one but looking really foolish right then. i didn't have any defense against their biting, albeit sensible, perspective.

i was the sick patient. the one epileptic with my own delusions of inventing true love. the romantic quixote of unprecedented chivalric proportions ...

... only to discover that the castle the princess is residing in is a bit toooo far away. the dragon guarding it is bigger than that described by the town scribe.

in short, wake up Lancelot. ahh, /end rant

... beachfreak said...

@quentino: Rant away, Quentino.

It's really nice to have friends who are able to see our situation in a different light. It's good to hear insights from people who are on the outside, looking in at your glass globe of snow and Christmas trees; telling it as it is: "It's white, it's magical, it's perfect - but it's fake."

I'm just in too deep. Their hands are reaching out, I just can't get a good grip.

Argh.

cupcake said...

oh, rosey. *hugs*

it's hard, isn't it?

someday, we'll be with the ones who'll be worth all of it.

and you know what? it's true, anything less than mad, passionate love isn't worth shit.

Quentin said...

huh, I'm beginning to despise whoever invented that "anything less than mad love is a waste of time" shit.

i'll rephrase that.

anything less than love that works is bat guano.

... beachfreak said...

@cupcake: thanks for the hug :*)

I'ma hug-aholic =)

@quentino: "anything less than love that works is bat guano." Uy, may bago na ko status sa YM at MSN ko. Hikhik.

Quentin said...

LOL, you serious? i got that bat guano part from Jim Carrey in his Ace Ventura movie.

ei, since you and Patty are practically my neighbors, let's have a chat sometime over at RJ's or wherever. it'll be fun! i think >:D

... beachfreak said...

@quentino: I'm game, basta weekend =) I work the night shift eh, but I have weekends off.

Mr Pogi said...

sorry to learn of your "lost"...good thing you still have me ;-) thanks nga pala sa comments mo sa last blog ko...huwag ka nang maiinis sa akin...baka masira pa beauty mo...ingat lagi! and good luck too!

... beachfreak said...

@mr pogi: thank you for your sympathy. At least you've learned your lesson. there are, after all, some vigilant people (and well-read, too), that will discover the truth. You take care, too. =)

Anne said...

awww :( hugs & kisses for you my dear.

XOXOsss,

anne

... beachfreak said...

@anne: Thanks, anne. I needed that =) Hey, some friends and I are planning to go to Hong Kong this 2nd week of December or 2nd week of January! Haha! Excited nako!

Anne said...

you'll enjoy it :-) the trip will liberate the child in you, weather's a lil cold already over there - be prepared.

... beachfreak said...

@anne: I know! And I can't wait! Hehe. Disneyland, here I come!

barenaked said...

ouchhh! hay...ganun talaga, dear. kailangan mauntog para mahimasmasan.

... beachfreak said...

@jill: ilang beses na nga akong binatukan eh. Hehe. Matigas lang talaga ulo ko. Haha.

:*)

humble p. said...

Oh no! It's Dream for an Insomniac all over again! That mad, passionate, extraordinary love stuff is the surest way to heartbreak, let me tell you.

... beachfreak said...

@humble papa Hehe. I know, I sooooo know.

I'm walking away from it, again. A year of heartache, in the making.

'Nyeta.