Monday, June 20, 2005

Daddy. Part II.

Daddy! Happy Father's Day!

Brought you flowers, and also the candles that you like, those scented ones that really smell good when burning.

So, how's heaven? Your compadres keeping you company? Tong-its game every night, eh? Does the Johnny Walker taste better there? (Gee, I hope so...)


There never was a day that I didn't think of you, that I didn't miss you, that I did not wish you were still alive.

I know you always check on me each and every night, making sure that my door is locked. I know because I hear the wooden planks outside my door creak and I'd hear the doorknob crank a little. It makes me sleep better knowing you were just outside my bedroom door.

Before your passing, on weekend nights (and weekday nights as well) those wooden planks that creak, I avoid stepping on them when I'd sneak out for a gimmick with clothes in my arms and my heels stashed in the kitchen downstairs. For the longest time, I didn't think you knew. Until mama told me. You'd make sure I was already downstairs and then you'd radio the tanods to see if I was going to be fetched or if I was going to 'bring' a car, and one time, had a patrol car follow me. Mang Boy said you guffawed when you found out I had to 'push' the car out of the garage one night and away from the house before I climbed in and drove oh-so-slowly away -- with no drivers license. You said to him daw, 'Yang bunso ko talaga, ang lakas ng loob. Parang lalaki yung ugali. Ugali ko.' After that conversation you hired him to be my full-time driver/bantay (-cum-bodyguard-cum-kakuntsaba). Memories such as these will forever make me smile and remember.

Hat_tr1ck, from PEx, and I have the same fear: that one day I'd forget what I know of you. But I won't let that happen. I swear.

When I'm alone at home, I slide open the glass doors of your closet and I bury my face in your polos and barongs. I am comforted by the smell of your perfume. I am calmed by the thought that somehow you are still with me.

You are still, and, you will always be my hero.


sachiko said...

what a wonderful post about your daddy,rose..i'm so touched..i did the same thing too when i lost my mom long time ago,would sleep in the night with her dress under my pillow.

Technorati said...

Make him proud.

normi said...

*teary eyed* You're dad sure is very proud of u.. w/ all the accomplishments you've had and the way you have turned out.. Maybe he is boasting up there how beautiful his youngest daughter is..:)

... beachfreak said...

@sachiko: The pain of losing him has never left me, nor my family. I'm just used to the pain now. Time made sure of that.

Glad you're back and blogging again, sachiko. Take care =)

@technorati: I sure will.

@normi: You just made me cry, normi. I so miss you. =(

Quentin said...

you know, if ever I had a daughter (or kids for that matter), i'd want one just like you.

lucky you are because I can't say the same for me and my old man.

"G'morning dad, so how's the arsenic in your tea?"

... beachfreak said...

@quentino: thanks, quentino =)

...oh, sweet...:doh:

nikki said...

hi! i was just blog hopping & was so touched w/ ur post. i'm sure ur dad is smiling right now. God bless!

... beachfreak said...

@nikki: Yeah, I'm sure he is, with all of my kalokohans and stuff :lol: You take care =) Hope you do become Nicholas Sparks' female counterpart ;)

lei said...

made me miss my papz ha. and the rest of mi familia for that matter. haaaay makes me wonder sometimes what the hell am i doing in mla when everyone i love is in cdo.

your dad's so proud of you. :)

... beachfreak said...

@lei: Sometimes, we have to be away from the nest to realize how important family is. Hay talaga. Thanks lei. =)

barenaked said...

this is so touching! bravo! :)

way to go, rose! :D

... beachfreak said...

@barenaked: thanks, jill. take care!