Let me tell you something about myself:
I've been known, well, by close friends, to skip certain levels when 'forming' a relationship with the opposite sex. Think what you want, I don't care. That's the way I am. I don't exactly conform with the norm, if you know what I mean. I'm not a rare specie though, there are others like me, male and female. We have this way of thinking: if there's a connection, if there's a spark, let's take it for a ride and see where it takes us. Simple.
We get burned. Hell yes, we do. It hurts but you just get up, brush the dirt off, and hope you play the game right come the next round. Again, simple. I was having fun as a single woman who has just got out of a 6-year relationship. I was dating again.
I was on the right track. For awhile I was dating this guy I met online.
The conversation was always enlightening.
But I couldn't stand being lied to. I cut off the relationship as soon as I found out that he was already committed. I know...I know...I was sooo tempted to pull a few strings to see if I could wrest him away but I'm a woman too. Naagawan na rin ako: no woman deserves to go through the pain. So, instead, I stopped replying to his texts, to his calls, to his IMs. By the 2nd week of January, I was back in the game. I was alright.
But I didn't want to rush things again. I didn't go out on dates for a while but had week-end beach trips, out-of town barbecue get-togethers, chill-out and clubbing nights with my ever-dependable college friends.
Then I met another guy online.
As I said, I wasn't really 'looking' at that point. I was contented. I was happy. I took him as a pleasant surprise. He posted a sweet message in my blog. He sent me a message in Friendster, as well as in the forum where we post. We met, we were yosi partners for a number of times. We talked on the phone until the wee hours of the morning. He texted me what he felt (or what I think he felt at that time). I wasn't much of a believer of sweet-talk, I didn't have much patience for that. But I found myself wanting to believe what he said. I did admit to him that I liked him as well. Yet, I wanted to take this slow. I wanted to go through all the levels. I said to myself, I want to do this right. But somewhere along the way, it didn't turn out the way I planned.
After a few weeks, his texts stopped. I heard nothing from him. Other than the occasional quotes: no sweetness, no spark. I did text him, I think once or twice, just to ask him what was going on but he didn't reply.
I have a feeling he never will.
Now, I'm afraid of being 'stuck in a moment.' Again. Was it my fault? Did I take my time -- unwisely? Was it something I said? Was it something I did or something I did not do?
My best male friend said I was played. Was I? That most probably he has found someone else.
Yeah, most probably. And for all it's worth: I hope, for his happiness.
For me, the shit has hit the fan.
Just when I was taking things slowly, just when something was going right in my life, when everything was going my way...
I, indeed, found myself on the wrong fucking lane.