Aussie-land!

I'm in Australia for a 2-week training. We're in Brisbane and I just have to say - Brisbane, I love your weather!

=)

High School.

Earlier today I went through my college yearbook in search of an address. After writing down what I needed, I was going to slip it back to its place on the shelf when I spied my high school yearbook tucked at the back of the shelf. I reached for it and gingerly took it out of its place, not wanting to get any of the dust on my face. I grabbed some tissue, sat on the floor of my room and started cleaning the 15-year old thing. When I was satisfied with its state of cleanliness, I started to go through 4 years of memories.

I can't explain the emotions that I have right now after looking at the pictures, the funny anecdotes and hirits captured forever in its pages. I'd feel regret that I wasn't able to get close to numerous people who I thought had the most interesting personalities and then immediately feel comforted that somehow I tried in my own little way. I laughed out loud at the 1st page that chronicled our freshman cheerdancing competition. Well, it was supposed to chronicle our freshman attempt but apparently, no one had bothered to bring a camera then. I spend my time looking at the dance pictures trying to get a glimpse of me (naturally!) and trying to remember the practices, the bruises, sweat and blood. I remember feeling really tired and annoyed at the end of one practice because we kept on repeating the ending (where the cheerdancers had to incorporate themselves back into the pep squad and the pep squad would lower themselves showing off the cheerdancers in individual poses) and when we eventually got it right I blurted out 'Ay, salamat!' at the exact moment everybody chose to keep their mouth shut. I still remember the laughter and relief that we were able to do it after so many tries.

I cringe at the memory wherein I wasn't allowed to be a cheerdancer in my senior year because of a failing grade. It was devastating and I cried so much then. Looking back, I felt I deserved not to dance because I failed to balance what I wanted to do and what I needed to do. This would become motivation for me not to fail any class in college so I could still do cheerleading and also get to receive a substantial discount in my tuition fee every trimester in CSB. For someone who was paying for her own tuition, it was a big help.

And who could ever forget the shooting star that made our hearts stop and rejuvenated our tired limbs? I could still feel the awe of being a witness to it. I have only seen 2 shooting stars until now, that time during practice, and on my birthday in Tagaytay last year.

I remember the PenPal project Mr. dela Vega pushed us to do. Que horror! A lot of us were so worried about it. However, I am grateful for that project because I gained a Latvian friend. (Read here and here.)

I am tempted to pull out the Rubik's cube (yep, I still have it) I have kept in a box up in my closet. Practice with it and show off my skills to my nephews.

I am also tempted, after writing this entry, to look for a video of Quest For Fire. Well - Er. For memories' sake, of course.

Feline Thought 1.

An excerpt from Pablo Neruda's Cat's Dream

I should like to sleep like a cat, with all the fur of time,
with a tongue rough as flint, with the dry sex of fire;
and after speaking to no one, stretch myself over the world,
over roofs and landscapes, with a passionate desire
to hunt the rats in my dreams.

Tita Cory. In Memoriam.

January 25, 1933 – August 1, 2009

Photo501.

It has arrived! After weeks of waiting, the Photo501 we ordered from YesAsia has arrived! Woohoo!!

And this week my order for the 1st Story of SS501 DVD will arrive too!

I plan to buy the Super Show DVD but I'm still not sure. I've seen lots of footages in YouTube, and the The-Making DVD has no English subtitles.

Grr. Oh well. Let's see. =)

Happy!

happy Birthday to my dear Tito Pablo!

Horror Movie.

It's 3:52am. Still jobless.

Yesterday marked my mom's 1st death anniversary. A year just flew by -time really does fly. I miss her every day. I miss my dad, too. Not a day passes that I do not think of and miss them. I still choke and get teary-eyed just thinking of my dad. Moreso with my mom. And I can not believe that I do not have them with me as I go through hell.

2009 started out pretty well for me, but the past few months have been difficult. I think my family does not know the extent of my pain and frustration the situation has created for me. I'm still trying to understand things and talking with friends who are going through the same thing greatly helps - but it's not enough. Everyday is just painful. Everyday is torture.

I can truly say that I do not know how things got out of hand. I was just in the middle of the crossfire, minding my own business, and I end up getting shot. Over and over again. And just when the last breath leaves your mouth, your whole life flashes before you.

It's like I'm starring in a horror movie with no end in sight. And I hate horror movies.

Mommy!

Happy Birthday Mommy!

I love you. I miss you.

*Happy Birthday to Kim Hyun Joong, too.

Downpour.

I should've posted this entry a week ago - but I forgot. Hehe.

**************

It has been raining in Manila for the past 2 or 3 days. The wind was strong, especially last night - our Balete tree fell. Can you imagine a Balete tree falling? Well, it wasn't that big but still. I'm glad the Langka tree is staying strong. Good for her =)

When I was in my grade school days, I'd be real happy when it rains because it means no classes! I wouldn't have to think up of an excuse not to go to school. Hahah! But I also remember my dad saying the rain also brings good luck - whenever we had a birthday in the family it would always rain and that's what he would say to us - swerte.

When I entered college and started to date seriously and have these tragic relationships I'd associate the downpour with the tears I have shed and have yet to shed. Ang cheesy! haha! But it would prompt me to put on sad music and think about my failures. Ka-dramahan talaga.

It's different now. When it rains I feel like grabbing a good book, situate myself on a cozy sofa and read the while away. I'd get a fleece blanket and a squishy pillow so if I fall asleep on the sofa I'd still be comfortable. Sometimes I'd go to my parent's room and look at old photos and reminisce about my childhood. I'd look at pictures and tell myself how lucky I was to have a great family. I'd look at the family trips to the beaches, Baguio, Hong Kong and feel good about myself and how I was brought up.

The downpour does bring memories but let it not bring sad memories.

Safely Home.

On February 24, 2009 my nephew's schoolmate and former classmate Amiel Alcantara died in a tragic car accident. During his wake, they gave out Thank You bookmarks with his picture and a short prayer from St. Therese of the Child Jesus. At the back was a poem - Safely Home. When I first read the poem I had to go to the bathroom because I had to cry so much. I kept thinking of my mom. I kept the bookmark with me because I realized how I love the poem and its meaning - for me.

I'd like to share it now. This is for everyone who has lost someone in their life. Take comfort in these verses.

SAFELY HOME

I am safely home in Heaven, dear ones;
Oh, so happy and so bright!
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light.

All the pain and grief is over,
Every restless tossing passed;
I am now at peace forever
Safely home in Heaven at last.

Did you wonder why I so calmly
Trod the valley of the shade?
Oh! But Jesus' love illimined
Every dark and fearful glade.

And He came himself to meet me
In that way so hard to tread;
And with Jesus' arm to lean on,
Could I have one doubt or dread?

Then you must not grieve so sorely,
For I love you dearly still
Try to look beyond earth's shadows
Pray to trust our Father's Will.

There is work still waiting for you
So you must not idly stand
Do it now, while life remaineth --
You shall rest in Jesus' land.

When that work is all completed,
He will call you Home
Oh, the rapture of that meeting
Oh, the joy to see you come!

Baguio weekend.

Blogging from an internet cafe just outside of the Ina Mansion Hotel in Baguio. Still downloading SS501 videos as I type. Facebooked for a while but didn't really linger - just checked my messages.

Been here since Friday 11am. Left Manila at 5:00am. Once we were settled in my 2 nephews played their PS2 while I took a nap. we had dinner in Mamawell's Korean Restaurant and then went to SM to get groceries for our breakfast for the duration of our stay. They also wanted play online that's why we went here too last night.

Earlier we went to Camp John Hay to have lunch and browse through the merchandise in the Mile Hi center. Took lots of pictures - well, my nephews took a lot of pictures. Hehe. We also went to the Teacher's Camp Museum and had lots of pics there too. We then went back to SM to get my brother's jeans which he had fixed. While waiting for them my sister and I went to Surplus Shop and we were able to buy a few shirts and I was able to get a black coat - not as nice as the one I wanted to get but it'll keep me warm and it will go well with jeans and with business attire.

The kids went to Quantum and then after an hour we went back to Camp JH for dinner with Tito Pablo and his family (Tito Pablo is the younger brother of my mom) at Dencio's.

It has been jampacked. Haha. If it were up to me I'd rather stay in the room - but I'd miss hanging out with my pamangkins too much :p

That's all for now. Manuod pa ko ng videos... the wholesome kind =)

Thank you, Randy Pausch.

I am truly sad. I didn't know that Randy Pausch has died! I had to check several articles to check if it was true - and it was. I just can't believe it. I mean, how can I not know about this?! And then I remembered the date of his death - July 25, 2008; just 3 days after my mom died.

Have you watched his Last Lecture? Do so. You're probably going to hear stuff you've heard before, I have. But he's charimastic enough you'll want to do what he has shared. I'm definitely trying. It's hard, but I'm trying my best.

A few points from his lecture I'd like to share (in no paticular order) -

1. When we make a mistake, we say sorry. But what we forget to do is rather important - how you can make things right. It shows your sincerity.
2. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
3. Material things are just material things. When he got a new car he picked up his sister's kids for a trip. His sister then lectured the kids that they should not soil the new car. Behind her back and in full view of her kids - he poured soda into the seat. This was to show that he doesn't care if they get the car dirty - it's just a car. By the end of the trip, his nephew got sick and had to barf in the car. After he told the story he said he didn't really care if his nephew barfed, but what he cared about was his nephew not feeling bad about dirtying his car because he was sick.
4. Obstacles or Brick walls are there for a reason - it let's you realize how much you want to achieve something. They are there to test your dedication.
5. If someone doesn't impress you, you just have to give them enough time.
6. Have fun. Everyday.

After watching his 10-minute (i think) lecture in Oprah, I went to YouTube and watch the whole 70-minute lecture. I loved it.

*I'd like to thank you, Mr Pausch, for teaching me again. =)

SS501 U R Man. *Ahlavem!*

This SS501 song was recorded when 2 of its members were busy with other endeavors - Kim Hyun Joong was doing Boys Before Flowers and then Park Jung Min was in a play (Grease). The 3 remaining members still recorded a song and this was it. I was going through YouTube looking at their videos and it was always the 3 members (Heo Young Saeng, Kim Hyung Joon, Kim Kyu Jong - hey, I'm getting better at this! :P) performing the song. NOW - I found a performance where ALL 5 of them were dancing, (but not singing).


KHJ is hot in this video. And the way he dances - ugh - my heart is just beating faster! I just found myself looking for him in every shot. He carries his clothes well - mejo mukha siyang gigolo dito but I don't care - he's still so absofuckinglutely sexy. *sigh*

I love how they dance - they dance as hard as the back-up dancers - no slacking at all!

This is it. It is official. Mahal ko na siya.

I got this here. All credit goes to hl821.

Hooked.

I'm crazy over SS501.

There, I said it. Haha! *sigh* Mga peste 'tong mga boys na 'to. My high-school-girly self is emerging - again. I'm not really fond of Korean dramas except for Princess Hours. Then I had the chance to watch an episode of Boys Before Flowers in YouTube - and I was hooked. :) Crush ko si Kim Hyun Joong *kilig* and so I did my research and found out he's part of a Korean boy group.
How adorable. Shiyet.

Hindi lang ako marunong mag-Korean. Leche.

Blank.

A week has passed.

I still hurt from the experience. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think of the circumstance which made me leave. I miss my team, my leader, sitting in Row 4 and making Wi asar :p

My team also gave me a card. And I read the card while I was having my nails done. I almost cried.

I miss my team. I miss my friends. I miss the people I have worked with for almost 5 years.

*cries*

Clean Up day.

So I went to the Scholastic Book Fiesta Sale yesterday at around 4pm. And I was disappointed because most of the books I wanted were not available. Last time I was there I got HP books, Hardy Boys and Totally Spies, 39 clues too. I was looking forward to purchasing more HP books (boxed sets) and Narnia books and Inkheart but wala na nga daw. Oh, sadness. Hehe.

Went home after 30 minutes of just going around the place and passed by Pioneer Centre to buy my Cranberry juice and parmesan for the pasta I'll cook today.

Our house is a mess because of the installation on the laminated floor boards. I tried to clean as much as I can but I really can't do anything unless everything is finished. My sister and I thought of sorting everything into boxes - for selling, for giving away, for throwing out.

I was able to go through my mom's elephant figurines and they were extensive. Maybe 60-70 pieces my mom collected and received over the years. Our kasambahay, Ate Judith, packed them in the plastic container I bought a few weeks ago and in a basket that used to carry my dirty clothes. I also removed pictures from the miniature picture frames my mom placed all over the house. I was thinking of making a collage using the pics and then just getting nice frames for solo but 'informal' picture we can place alongside the bigger frames in the hall. I also am crushing on one of the cabinets we had in the family hall, and make it into a bookshelf for my room. I feel so bad for my books which are now contained in paper bags and some of the books stashed in the cabinet where I used to keep my shoes. Kawawa naman sila.

My study table is still in disarray. Ugh.

So many things to do.

And I have to get my nails done.

*sigh*

Jampacked.

Before i went to sleep last night, I told myself I'd update this space as much as I can... since i have all the time now. Haha.

SO... lemme see.. Thursday, April 30 was my last official day at work. Passed my resignation the night before. The day reminded me why I hate good-byes so much. My team has taught me so much in the past 4 months. And I hope I was able to teach them a thing or two. It's hard to suddenly have your life changed by a circumstance you never thought would occur. I hated the thought I made them cry :(

Met up with Fats, Jehan, Ann - waited for Kizzy to log out and then went to Shang for dinner and coffee. I love my friends. Note: I've always wanted to leave, and the only reason I stayed after all were because of the people I worked with. Went home at around 10pm, I think. I already miss Kizzy and my team. *cries*

The next day, Labor day - prepped for the Pansol retreat with my barkada. Met Mayet at Petro C5. Villa Delicia weekend - videoke, poker, swimming, kwentos, no sleep at all. My barkada are my comfort friends - it doesn't matter how sad, depressed I am. They always manage to make me smile and make me feel loved. They are family after all.

Went home the next day and slept for 11 hours methinks. Or 13. Heck. Haha. Wooke up early had my coffee and read the newspaper. Had breakfast with my sister and Dominic. Went online for a few hours and then all of us attended the 330pm Children's Mass at San Roque :) Regeena, kept the 20 peso I bill I gave for the tithe. Hehe. *sigh* Went to McDonald's Tiendesitas for a children's party until 7:30pm. Watched the Pacquiao fight from a guy's MacBook Air in the next table. Teehee. My brother was aching for a new Adidas so we went to GB3. Shoes had to be pre-ordered. Stopped by Starbucks. Stayed for 30 minutes. Saw Jpeg with his sisters. Went home 11pm.

Slept at 4am. Woke up at 745am earlier.

ganun lang. haha. Oh oh! I want to go to Scholastic in Pasig for their Summer Sale. their 2nd for the year. Yipeee!!! More books!

Musings. 042109.

How can you hide from what never goes away?

=(

Help!

Posting an announcement - a family friend needs blood type AB+, please read on and help if you can:
-------------
Hi!

Thank you for responding to my post. Have you ever donated platelets?

My bro-in-law has myoloma (blood cancer), getting a stem cell transplant in Mkt Med now and the blood type he needs is rare. We need about 8 people. If you are AB+, am sure you know how rare it is.

Screening will be anytime starting now, transfusion to patient starts March 23 and your platelet will be needed after March 23, in Makati Medical.

Here is a list that the med. tech will ask you if you go for screening. As not to waste your time, pls see if you are qualified. Your vein in your inner elbow should be considered HUGE.

1. 18 - 60 yrs old
2. At least 110 lbs
3. No history of hepatitis
4. Not high blood
5. No teeth extraction for at least 1 year
6. No tatoo or earpiercing for at least 1 year
7. No major or minor surgery for at least 1 year
8. Have not gone to Palawan or Africa for at least 1 year
9. No history of malaria
10. No menstruation or upcoming menstruation
11. No antibiotics or any medication for at least 1 week
12. No maintenance drugs
13. No coughs, colds or any infection at least 3 weeks from recovery
14. Not pregnant
15. Have not donated blood for the past 2 months.
16. No possibilty of having aids
17. Not an illegal drug user

Procedure for donating Platelet Apheresis takes about 3 hours.

Thank you for your time. Please let me know. Take care!

Jeleen :) (09178319759)

Movies in 2009.

I got excited watching the X-Men Origins movie trailer. It was great. I had to watch the Watchmen trailer all over - this was awesome. I also grew up watching Star trek so I'm pretty hyped up about the Star Trek movie! Harry Potter is also up this year. Astroboy, too. And of course, Transformers 2.

My neffie, Raymund, is really itching to see Dragonball Evolution.

Ang dami!

Grateful.

I've been wearing my glasses for 2 days now. I had to stop wearing contacts because my eyes were tearing up. *sigh*

I lool like a geek. =)

I'm having issues wearing them since I want to puke every five minutes. Ugh. My headache is killing me. I have to stop working every 10 minutes and remove my glasses, close my eyes for a while. I wanted to cry sometimes.

Oh well. I didn't wear my glasses while I was walking to the bus stop in Ayala and, not being able to see clearly, it had me thinking that I should notice people more: their features, movements, mannerisms.

Earlier I found myself looking at my team mates, maybe staring at them even! I was noticing A's dimples, W's nervous blinking, J's shiny bald head, P's nice complexion, AA's darker skin, K's highlights. These were nothing new to me but I felt compelled to commit them to memory. I also noticed myself: how my pinky would twitch when I tie my hair at the top of my head or when I write in my planner how my pen would write the l's and t's.

I don't know what's going on. Haha! But I'm just grateful I'm not blind yet.

=)

*********************************

Missing my sister who is on a Singapore-Malaysia trip. She texted me earlier that the Dave laptop table we wanted to get was out-of-stock in the IKEA store in both KL and SN. The IKEA reseller we found here in Manila sells the laptop table for Php3000, more than double the price if we get it from KL. *sad face* Will just sit on the idea of buying for a maybe a month - if I still want it then I'll get it.

Twisted Sunshine. Square One.

Back to square one.

After years of restraint, of repressing the pleasure and satisfaction I know I will gain. All of it - a waste of my effort.

I'm unsteady on my feet. My head spins. My stomach full of butterflies.

It's all coming back to me now.

Of Plans.

Someone just asked me what's new with me. I wasn't able to reply. Then he asked if me if I had, at least, plans. I was dumbfounded. I immediately realized - I had no plans.

Yuck.

Points to ponder for the next few days.

*sigh*

Splurge.

I splurged. Now I'm broke. Haha. My hard-earned money spent on a new laptop!

Sanay naman ako ng nagtitipid eh. I'm just thankful that I have the things I have. And I have the people who really matter close to me, healthy and nourished.

Matagal ko nang alam na materialistic akong tao, but c'mon who isn't? I crave for the newest gadget and the trendy shoes. I covet new leather bags and wish I could buy every book I've wanted. Yet I know I won't be able to bring those to my grave. I crave and I covet but I don't steal and lie.

I'm not fond of scammers and I know quite a few. And it pains me to see people who lie and cheat get ahead of people who do a clean job. Unfair diba? But yes, life is unfair - but it doesn't have to be.

****

I miss my mom and my dad. Wish I was a kid again. No worries, no issues. The years are again passing me by. *sigh*