I Have Game. Do You?

Dec 29 '06. Friday, 2:19pm. Tired from harassing myself to finish my quota for the week, I gratefully sat on a vacant bench on the bus and proceeded to listen to my pod. I go to my Chill Out playlist and once the music starts I close my eyes and take myself on a ride I'm all too familiar with. My mind processes the events which made me cry and left me with no sleep. I cringe at my feeble and cowardly attempt to profess my affection and a sigh escapes from my lips at the thought of getting no reaction whatsoever. Regret tries to enter with its ugly lengthy horns, but I close my mind to regret. If it hurt, it was probably worth it. Flashes of Nitro IB pics, okrayan with Markie and Jamie, coaching session with my agents, 45-minute yosi breaks in Starbucks Valero, counseling sessions with Cha Ems, Astoria drinking nights. My mind then scans through the QA room nightshift quartet (Vince, Jenny, Fats, Me): I remember the night when Fats went on leave. In an attempt to have Fats brin...

Nobody does it better than Jason Mraz. Merry Christmas!

This Buffy quote. "Passion, it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us, guides us, passion rules us all and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments: the joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we would be hollow--empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead." Will be leaving for Baguio in a few hours. May this short respite rekindle any passion left within.

I attended a seminar the office was conducting called Quest for Personal Mastery (QPM). The seminar discussed how well you know yourself ( personal mastery nga eh !); how well you know your goals and objectives; when to tag tasks as important and urgent or important but not urgent; when to take a break from the chaos; and, what are the standards by which you live by. The seminar did not disappoint and we ended the day feeling good about what we've discovered and shared with the other participants. I was particularly happy because for the longest time I've wanted to compose a Mission Statement and much to my delight QPM helped me compose one. I was so proud of having written it I immediately saved a draft of it here so I can share it thereby ensuring I would have a follow through. This was a good 2 months ago. I haven't published it as you may have noticed. Honestly, I'm scared to publish it. Scared like a wet cat under a car with nowhere to go. It hurts to admit this: ...

Finally bought meself a spanking 160GB external hard drive. Oh yeah. I'm currently moving all of my files right now. And I am mighty pleased. My sister has been complaining that her 'space' has dramatically gone down. And she's blaming me. Er well, you see, we just share 40GB of space so ubos agad yung kalahati - and most of hers too - because of my files. You have to understand... I have my needs for crying out loud! Another good thing about having this good-looking gadget is that I can now access all my files (movies, music, pictures, documents) using the PC or my laptop. I also love its security feature: this baby is password protected. Hah! My porn files are safe!!! Ah, er, well, I mean, y'know what I mean... ********* My best friend Mayette has just returned from her 3-week Asian backpacking romp and I can't wait to see her and hear all her stories. I would've loved to travel with her to Asia's exotic places but going on-leave for 3 weeks from wor...

2 days ago I was planning on writing an entry similar to this. Stupid me checked his site and I know I shouldn’t have. Because I know I’ll only get hurt. Get hurt I did. I am. Fuck it. I still am. A year ago I figured I would take the risk but I would be wiser. I would be stronger. I would teach myself to accept and then, finally, to forget. Yet here I am still longing for him. Still pining. Am I taking the wrong risks? Am I blind to the light? I want to blame him for my misery but I won’t because all fingers will point to me. If this is sanity then I want none of it.

Libra is the seventh sign of the Zodiac and associated with justice. Individuals born under this sign are thought to have a pleasant, charming, fair, perceptive, idealistic, refined, and diplomatic character, but one which is also prone to frivolity, flirtatiousness, indecision, deceitfulness, and insecurity. To truly understand Libra, you must understand the riddle of the scales; one side heaped high with vivid, golden leaves, suggesting brisk, autumn weather- the other side holding sky blue bunches of shy violets, drenched in the fresh scent rain. When the scales dip, bright optimism turns into silent panic, weighed down with lonely depression. When they balance, they produce a perfect harmony between her rich, crackling intellect and her affectionate, sympathetic heart. - Mizian, Wikipedia Yep, that's me alright. No freaking doubt.

I always wanted Apple to either release a red iPod or a red iBook/iMac. Just as I was getting an 80GB iPod, this beauty comes along. And it's in fiery vava-voom red. How can I resist?

Good friend Chris is getting married in May next year and a few days ago we met after my shift so she can accompany me to for my fitting with Mr. Farales. She got me as one of her secondary sponsors, and another free formal wear for my collection. Haha. Anyway we had lunch in Via Mare in Powerplant, where we met another gymnast friend, Nina. We all met in Club Gymnastica a good 14 years ago. We actually disliked each other. Chris' cousin became my first boyfriend and she hated me even more after that. Nina thought I was this bitch who was trying to impress the coach with my 'round-off backhandspring and then landing with a flair' attitude. Haha. Eventually we ironed out our differences and became friends. When Chris' cousin and I broke up a year and few months after she took me and pareng Jose Cuervo in, in her home with open arms and lots of lemon. Nina followed and wisely kept the knives and sharp tools away from me. That was our bonding moment. They know I'm not ...

Were you able to watch Game 1 of the UAAP Finals?! With a second left in the game who would've thought ADMU would win?! Tangina talaga. Wala. Wala nakong nasabi. Peste.

I still remember that September day when Long, my first Siamese cat, died. I remember because I had my air conditioner turned off because of the rain so it was cold in my room. I distinctly heard Aling Conching's shrill voice asking my nephew Dominic to leave the kitchen. It was uncharacteristic of Aling Conching to raise her voice at my nephews, only when they were harassing my beloved Siamese cats and kittens. I really didn't think it had anything to do with my cats so I hurriedly got up and proceeded downstairs. At the last step, I saw the maids through the open kitchen door looking in the direction of the dirty kitchen. My nephew Dominic was with them, clutching Ate Icha's arm and looking forlorn. I saw Ate Icha look at me with these sad eyes, and Aling Conching, blocking the way to the dirty kitchen with the same dark eyes as Icha's. I knew something was terribly wrong. They were all quiet. Nobody dared tell me the truth when I asked what was going on. Just Dominic...

Alas, internet connection! Using my old yet trusty laptop again. Five years old and counting. Seems like I'd be using this beauty for a longer time. My monitor is still busted but, now that I have dsl in my laptop, having it fixed or buying a new LCD monitor is not really a priority. Dang. I forgot to upload my comments regardign that rabbi and breasts thingie. Will do that tomorrow or before the week ends. ******** My head hurts. Hangover sucks. Grr. Watched the championship game last night between Teletech and eTel at the Metro Gym. Sadly, we lost. But it was a good game, kulang lang talaga . After the game I did some errands. While having some jewelry fixed at Shang some guys from the basketball team texted me they were in Pier 1 in the Fort area 'celebrating.' When I arrived at Pier 1 the closed area was full of eTel people, upper management and operations people. Mejo overwhelmed ako . Haha. Ang daming tao kaya ang saya ! The beer was ov...

Fascinated with this argument . Just to give you a heads up - it's about breast-feeding. The 'controversial' article which started all this brouhaha. This is a father's rebuttal to the said article. This is a blog-for-mothers point of view. My sentiments I will post tomorrow. Too upset and too much stress. And monitor still not working. Bwiset.

I'm sharing this, er, for lack of a better term, piece of 'office controversy.' Hehe. And FYI, we did this during our lunch break. Heck, stress. Yep, the things you do to un-stress. ***************************************************** 16th Floor QA Room Rally Report by Greeny Messenger There were compaints filed against Vince, a Quality Assurance Officer (QA). There were 4 complainants, who also happen to stay in the 16th floor, who had different accusations against the said QA. They said the defendant inflicted physical injury to them and is continuously doing so. The complainants feared the hurting may lead to something even worse so they took action and filed a complaint. As of now, there is no investigation being conducted by HR and the complainants held a demonstration at the QA room at the 16th floor. Below are photos taken of the complainants: Here's a complainant who fears he might be the next victim. Here's a complainant who claims he was tortured. Here...

My monitor at home is busted so I haven't been able to go online for a week now. I've asked to have my dsl installed on my laptop since I had to reinstall its original OS when XP slowed it down too much. Oh well. Hassle. I'm now only online when in the office.

Sometimes life throws you these amazing fastballs. I don't like spending time analyzing how to catch it the easiest way I can. I just grab a bat and swing away. I just swing away.

I miss you. Fuck it. I miss you so much. I miss running my fingers through your hair. Fuck it. I miss your lips. I miss you. I miss being with you. I miss the way you make me laugh. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss you.

I'm turning 30 this October. And sometimes I can't quite believe it. At times I feel some years of my life just passed me by and it sucks when I waste time thinking long and hard what I did with those years. It also hurts I can't seem to remember what good those wasted years did me. There are so many things I'd love to accomplish, adventures I'd love to devour, experiences I'd want to gush about, deadlines I'd be challenged to meet. Yet here I am in my darkened room thinking about wasted years, nothing to show for my bravery and eloquence. I am envious and I am still blind. I see the horns of depression pushing its way out. I feel the bumps of helplessness struggling to take over. I'm thinking it's futile to stop them. But I still suppress them with what's left of my diminishing sanity. I'd like to think I'm in control of my life. I'd like to think I'm an adult who has learned...

I choose to be a woman of substance. A woman who values her worth and the worth of others. I will be a leader, a teacher, a mentor who does things extraordinarily well. I will never settel for second best because I deserve the finer and nobler things in life.

Watched Superman Returns this morning. Yep, you read that right: THIS MORNING . 8:30 am to be exact. Haha. The office sponsored a Movie Day and for Site PBCom: it was SUPERMAN RETURNS in Greenbelt 3. With popcorn and drinks. Talk about pre -premiere showing. And I didn't have to pay. Hah.

This is currently my picker-upper. Oh, just watch it. You'll see and hear why. I soooo love Bubble Gang.

Discovered I haven't recovered fully, but hey, getting there. I'm getting there. Turn down the lights, turn down the bed Turn down these voices inside my head Lay down with me, tell me no lies Just hold me close, don't patronize Don't patronize me I can't make you love me if you don't You can't make your heart feel something it won't Here in the dark in these final hours I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power But you won't, no, you won't And I can't make you love me If you don't I'll close my eyes and then I won't see The love you don't feel when you're holding me Morning will come and I'll do what's right Just give me till then to give up this fight And I will give up this fight And I can't make you love me if you don't You can't make your heart feel something it won't And here in the dark in these final hours I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power But you won't, ...

I know that it's standard procedure not to have too much expectations. Maybe I was overwhelmed. Maybe he gave me the impression he was smart. Peste. I feel so disillusioned actually. I don't know much about him. What I know about him are menial things. When I try to get to know him, all I get are simple answers and no follow through! The thing is, he emailed me first. He initiated this! Men. Grrr. Yeah, I am old enough to walk away from this; to walk away before disappointment gets the better of me. My mind says 'be patient,' but it also says 'bail out before it's too late.' Gademit.

I started Audioscrobbling a year ago. Discovered it while I was going through a thread in ipodlounge.com and they were talking about this great plug-in for iTunes which then creates charts for you: top overall artist, top weekly tracks, top artists, top albums, and so on and so forth. They then compared playlists and new artists: who listened to what and what songs to watch out for. Music junkie that I am, I immediately launched a new browser, typed in the then-URL and I was hooked. I discovered The Trash Can Sinatras who dish out this rock/alternative/new wave kind of music. They remind me of The Smiths. I love Hayfever and Only Tongue Can Tell . Ahlaykem! Pretty cool, yes? I get a few private messages now and then regarding the music I listen to, where I get my music and all that. People then started adding me up, sharing their music - which was fantastic! And now some PEx people are in on the fun even. Astig . The coolest thing is this: they are currently experiencing this sort...

Dancing is a way of life for me , just as writing is to some people, or basketball. Dance should come naturally with or without music. It's in the swing in your hips when you walk. It's in the way your shoulders move when you wave goodbye. It's in the way your fingers grip the wheel and in how you turn it. It's how you flip your hair without using your hands. It's innate. It's never learned. It's either you have it or you don't. They say all you need is rhythm. I say all you need is passion. P.S. This post came about because a friend still can't get over the fact that I can dance to Wolfgang's Center Of The Sun. Hehe. Wolfgang rules!

***click here for Part I. J: You drunk na? (takes a swig of his beer then adjusts his Ray-Bans) Me: Soon-to-be. (clinks my vodka ice bottle with his sweaty beer can) Why? J: Oh nothing. (stares at me then sneers) So... you said good-bye... Me: *groans* I did. Do we have to talk about it? J: Bakit ayaw mong pag-usapan? (no response from me as I finish off the vodka ice) Sige, pagtawanan na lang natin. (laughter) Me: Gago ka talaga. (silence) Sometimes, naiisip ko sana hindi ko na lang ginawa. But most of the time, all I can think about is how free I feel. No burden, no hidden agenda. No more waiting for him to see my real worth. No more waiting for the texts which I know will never be sent. (grabs another vodka ice from the cooler) And, alam mo, tama yung sinabi niya: He's God's gift to women... blind ones. I hate to admit it, I am blind, J. Blind as a fucking bat. (leans back on the recliner and takes a deep breath) Yep, I'm totally jaded now. J: (sits up and t...

First day of work. First day back to reality. Went to work at 6:30 am, got my White Chocolate Mocha and my Chicken Clubhouse. Just got my AOL screen name. And of course since I had to be familiar with the software I immediately started trying out its features and everything else... hence, my AOL journal. Haha. Need... to... fix... life... Argh. Still in beach mode, rose

I'm off to Boradise. Will start being stressed when I come back Thursday. Ciao.

The plane ride from Manila to Tagbilaran took 45 minutes. For us, it was more like 10 minutes. Haha. Puro asaran ang naganap sa eroplano. If only the stewardess knew we were talking about them. During the low tide, Bryan and Philip searched for some sea urchins, while Kayla, Ces and I went off and searched for more starfish, crabs, and eels. It was inevitable that we join the search for sea urchins so we grabbed a lot. Suffice to say, our search was not in vain. All viands were gone after dinnertime. Haha. The moonrise. It was breathtaking. You know that time na parang hapon na magga-gabi na? It was dark but bright as well... alam mo yun? Ganun yung hitsura. It's hard to explain and I know I'm blustering for the correct words but it was simply beautiful. We played around with the digicam settings so we could get some pretty cool pics. Laugh trip. We tried to wake up at 530am each day to catch the sunrise in spite of the hang-over. And I'm sure glad we did. ***All pictures w...