I Have Game. Do You?

I just had to give in only to be left disappointed. Again. Taaaaangina. Somebody... anybody, please, hit me hard. Tanginaaaaaa. Tsong, nagkamali ka ng panahon para bitinin ako. Tangina talaga. Ayaw mo pa kasi ako diretsuhin eh. Napahiya pa ako. Leche. I'm so pissed with you that I wish you never get laid this 2006. No, I take that back. I hope you do get laid but you never get an abso-fucking-lutely good one. I suggest you handle your ego with care and then shove it up your farking arse. Grrrrr. I still love you but I sooo hate you right now, you SOB. Yeah, I said I won't write about you in my blog. I lied. And I'm sure, I am so damn sure, na you have no friggin' idea that I'm talking about you.

Once a month, I turn into this 2-eyed bitchy-as-hell monster who tries to bite everyone's head off for turning the tv volume too loud, or for waking me up too early, It's the time of month when I wish I was born a man. Do not mess with me for the next 3 days. I'm irritable. I am fury herself. So keep your mouth shut and your nasty opinions to yourself. What I need are hugs. Lots of it.

I know, late greeting. But what the fuck? HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

I was tagged by patty . Haha. Pathetic that I have been so remiss in going through my usual blog-rounds. I've been making myself real busy I've forgotten to visit my usual reads. Anyway... 10 years ago I was in my sophomore year in DLSU-CSB. Having the time of my life. Completed the mandatory 'Community Service Program' with Gen, RJ, Tess, and Chee at 'Kuya Drop-In' Center. Rewarding experience. 5 years ago Around this date, 5 years ago, I received a call from the DLSU-Graduate School of Business office informing that I have until February 2001 to enroll for my MBA. If I don't enroll, then I'd have to take the exam again if I wish to pursue my MBA. Issues from my gov't work got in the way. Sad. A year ago Just broke up with someone THEN met someone who would eventually break my heart. Yesterday I promised Kizzy I would fill her Starbucks card for her (for the Starbucks planner). I'm done with mine, and I've helped Leslie get hers, so I offere...

Yes, my dramatic-life-mode has been on again for quite some time. *sigh* Throwing myself at work with a passion people have difficulty understanding. Steady lang. I've bought my new phone, the Samsung e530 . I was craving for the green one to match my iPod but I only had a choice of blue, pink, and orange. Girl as I am, I got the pink. Hah! Also, I've been promoted from QAA3 to QA01 [which gives me the opportunity to handle my own team in the next couple of months]. 6 months worth of hard dirty work. Alvin told me the stress was showing in my shoulders. And in the way I hold my stare. Oh dear, it's that obvious, huh? And I thought I was handling things just fine. Crap. Saturday afternoon was spent catching up on much-needed sleep. Got home from a post-shift meeting around 1pm, slept at 5pm and consequently woke up at 7am Sunday. I loved it! Hehe. I only got up once, around 4am, when Mayette called to say Say has been evicted from the PBB house and that they were on the...

Earlier today, a classmate of mine from Maestro Ryan Cayabyab's school of music and I met up. We haven't seen each other for awhile so we had a lot of things to catch up on. When she found out that my long-term relationship has gone kaput, I thought she was going to cry. She then asked - no -- she demanded how was I able to sustain a 6-year relationship? I was actually silent for, like, 10 seconds. She laughed out loud at my silence, cursing me that it was in bad taste I had to think. She and her man have just been together for 3 months and, like any new couple, would like to 'spend the rest of our lives together.' Was it that easy for the both of us to just part ways and live individually? Hell, no. It's never easy. My nephews would always look for him, always asking if Tito will bring food or new games for the PS. My mom, during the first few weeks, would often slip and ask/tell me things: if he was still sleeping wake him up para mag-almusal; baka ma-late sa...

It's 11:30 pm and I just arrived in the office. And I'm... I don't know... tired. Tired and frustrated. Yeah, my ass is too lazy to do any kind of work. I haven't read any of my emails or opened any of my rating templates. Shit. I just want to file a month-long vacation and leave this gudamn place. Let me tell you why the fuck I'm ranting away: 1. The program which I've been in since I started here has been reduced to 30 reps. To think Nitro was the biggest program (in SBU) then with almost 300 agents. We were around, oh, 12-14 QAs then. And now Nitro OB has one. Nitro IB has me. My other team mates have been displaced to other BUs (business units). I've been missing them ever since. 2. Kit is resigning to help out in their family business. I know, I know. I'm not mad at her. Kit has been very patient with me, very understanding of my bitchy ways. Sobrang bait. I'm just feeling a little apprehensive because I'll be under a new team, a new tea...

Group Hug! Yahoo! and MSN Messenger are going to be working together! I cannot wait for this one. I'm an MSN groupie, I must admit for the 2nd time in my blog. I wasn't really using my YM up until a good 2 years ago when friends noted I never went online through YM, and if I was I'd just be online for an hour then log-off. I had to explain I was working as a rep for an MSN account and I had to be very familiar with MSN Messenger so I could handle technical calls concerning the damn thing. AND since it was MSN-IATS, MSN Messenger was the only chatware we were allowed to install in our PC. MSN Messenger just grew on me. Now I use MSN and Windows Messenger and YM. Hay. Wala lang. Natuwa lang ako sobra. Hehe. Will post something worthwhile soon... maybe later... ciao!

J: (swallows the tequila with a grimace) You made a mistake. You made a wrong choice. Live with it. Masyado ka kasing passionate eh. Tsk. (pours me a shot) I-shot mo na yan. Me: Ang dali ah. (looks at the tequila shot with disdain) You know, gusto ko lang i-share sa'yo; I read somewhere that anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time. And that there are too many mediocre things in life to deal with BUT love shouldn't be one of them. How true is that, 'no? And I believe that, I do. That's what I've been doing: when I fall in love, I make sure it's mad, it's passionate, and it's extraordinary. (shoots the tequila and looks for a chaser that doesn't have scotch in it) Hindi naman mali yun, diba? J: (Takes the shot I hand him and looks me in the eyes) No, it's not wrong. You just have to know when to stop loving, when to stop being passionate. (lick, shoots and sucks) And you don't have to explain yourse...

Don't have time to post a new entry, I'm still uploading pics BUT I'm not busy to share this freakin' funny video (got it from Dunedain from PEx). Made my day, really. Lolo's Magic It's not gonna be there forever ika nga ni Dunedain so if you want a copy just shoot me an e-mail. Oh, if you have dial-up, it's gonna take some time. It's 6.55 MB. Enjoy! Ciao.

I lie in wet sand. Eyes closed. I feel the sea caressing my ankles as they bow to the tide… slowly, almost sensuously... and I fantasize... and I begin to wish on the last star I see to let the night stay. I feel the last surge of the cold water embrace me... I feel the tiny hairs on my shoulders, my arms and on my bare belly stand on end... I hear myself moan. A throaty, cat-like purr escapes my salty lips. And I fantasize with no end in sight. A whiff passes my nostrils... of orchids and mint ... my back arches from the beautiful scent and I struggle to gain control... I breathe deeper... languid breaths relax what remains of my tingling soul. I lie in still wet sand. I open my eyes. The sun is peeking. I can see its rays trying to reach me. Ah. Daylight. I try to move away. Inch by inch. My mind flashes with images of refuge. But I still lie. It is a losing battle, I know. Foolish of me to ponder that I can run away from the laws of nature. So I succumb to the light. I give in to ...

So, the day of reckoning has come. Hehe. I am, as of today, officially 29. Anyway, amusingly, more than one friend texted me, ' How does it feel to be almost 30?' I replied: Age ain't nuthin' but a numbah. And then ---- it hit me. I am almost 30. Well, how does it feel to be 'almost' 30, you say? Oh, it doesn't feel any different when I was 28... or 27... or 26. Hmm. The way I feel hasn't changed. The adding of 1 year to my age hasn't added any burden to my chaotic, dramatic, unconventional life. Physically, no difference. Emotionally, hmm, quite (oh shoot, no details muna). Spiritually... hey, I’m getting there. I say: It's all about perspective and attitude. I think my perspective all changed when I turned 25. That was when my real life began. In my early 20's, I knew some people viewed me as unorthodox and rebellious, always turning up their nose when I pass them by. I used to care what they think. I used to make sure I behaved properly w...

A few more days and I'll be turning 29 . And to tell the truth: I can't wait. And to tell another truth: I have never lied about my age, to anyone. It's because when people ask me (what my age is) they can't believe I'm already this old . Nyahaha! I was born in the year: The Ramones released their first album; The Damned released their punk rock single 'New Rose'; Fleetwood Mac released their 'Rumours' album; Apple Computer was formed; Microsoft is registered in the state of New Mexico. How cool-er can I get? Hehe. Anyway... 2 things I want for my birthday: a new Samsung E530 hmm. can't decide what color to get. hmm. and a pug to own and to love. male, female. doesn't matter. Oh. Make that 3: Good health for my beautiful mom (here with my equally beautiful niece, Regeena) .

Rolf Sebastian R. Punongbayan. A sight to behold. To tell you the truth, I'm ashamed to admit this now, when I found out that you exist, deep in the recesses of my heart, I resented you, because I knew, once you come out, your dad will never or seldom be available for the long talks, overnight inumans and until-morning gimmicks we have always had. But looking at you now, all I feel is love... affection... wonder. You have just sealed a lifetime of friendship and kinship between your father and I. You were loved from the time you were conceived, and now you are one of us, breathing the same air and hearing the same [house] music (hehe), you will be loved as you will never believe to be. Tita Ninang will always be here for you. I love you, with all my heart. And speaking of hearts... Don’t break too many hearts, you hear me? Welcome to our world. It's not perfect, and you will see, hear, feel a lot of things you shouldn't have to. You will cry. You will bleed. But I assure...

Before availing of Blogspot's free service, I was using myspace 's blog feature. I started February 2004. The entries were sporadic there; 2-3 updates a month. Or sometimes none at all. I still remember the day I created this realm: It was more or less 3pm. I was multi-tasking: packing for a 2-day Galera beach trip with pep friends and chatting with a stateside friend. She said she has a blogspot home. Visited it. I was impressed. I immediately registered and proceeded to post a 2-liner entry. And the rest is history. Yes, my blog is now a year old. How time flies. "I did not know what to say, my mouth had no way with names, my eyes were blind, and something started in my soul, fever or forgotten wings, and I made my own way, deciphering that fire, and I wrote the first faint line, faint without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom of someone who knows nothing, and suddenly I saw the heavens unfastened and open, planet, palpitating planations, shadow perforated, riddled w...

Just earlier, I was re-reading my old entries. I was going through each and every post and the comments as well. Then I came upon my Stuck in a Moment entry and I was struck, again, as the first time I read it, by lei's comment. "one woman's story is every woman's story talaga. half hoping he'd text, half wishing he'd stop and free you, knowing he's not for you, knowing there are other women, knowing he's not interested, thinking you can walk away unscathed because after all you know the game, you decide in the game, you make your own game, you get the game. but ninety-nine percent of the time, the game gets you." - lei How true is that?! I'm confused. Totally, utterly confused. My feelings are all mixed up now. Sometimes, my brain goes through this chaotic-theorising-and-analyzing-mode that by the time it finishes processing the data, it's more jumbled up than when it started. Maybe I'm just disappointed. Maybe I just fell. H...

Last Monday, I received an invitation to a dinner to be hosted by the current members of the Sangguniang Panlungsod of Mandaluyong City. It's Councilors Week today and they were hosting this annual dinner for current and former city councilors on Friday. It was surreal to see the salutation Former Councilor before my name . Heehee. I almost laughed out loud. I was going for a simple 'Ms.' People have been asking me why I didn't go for a second term. I was already inside the circle, why not push my chances and run under the administration? Hmm... a simple answer: I've had enough. I've kept my hands clean from politics for the past 3 or 4 years. Occasionally, I'd oblige to attend an event or a party/dinner hosted by the few friends I garnered during my 6-year term. I'd make my presence known by greeting the people who need to see me there, mingle for an hour or 2, have my picture taken for posterity, and then quietly make my exit. During my first year in...

I'm a very sensible person. I am amiable. Geez, sometimes I'm too nice for my own good . If you treat me with the respect and good nature I deserve I will extend the same courtesy to you. But treat me unwisely, I may-- hell--I will give you a piece of my mind, a short but big piece of my obscene and crazy mind. I've been called a bitch several times. I don't mind. It's true. You don't call me or ask your friends to call me on my cell phone, call me a bitch, and then hang up. You don't ask your male friends to call me at an ungodly hour to roughly ask me for sex. You don't call my home and tell the people I love I'm a no-good woman. Hell no. You do not drag my family in this mess you created. You say you read through my blogs and one of these days you'll post my entries in yours, and on your friends’ blogs, to expose my so-called ‘secrets’. Why not do it now? And do I really merit such recognition from someone of your stature and level? Yo...

Just random thoughts for now... ***Am on leave! Sa wakas. A long weekend ahead for me. If my beach trip to Puerto Galera will not push through... hmm... will change my template ...again. Hehe. ***Oh, yeah, will have to finish burning those Harry Potter audiobooks and mp3s to CDs which I owe Aiah, Krissy, Louie, and Nenny. ***Argh. Am tempted to change my layout all over again... Ano ba?! *** Beach House 04.05 has been out for a week or two now and I'm still waiting for my order. I've been hearing a lot of good things about the tracks in it. A handful of old familiar tracks are in it but with a new mix. Excited nako. Leche. Ang tagal ah. ***Will be meeting my good friend, Chris , tomorrow for lunch. She'll be getting married in June 2006 and so we'll be going to Mang Ben Farales' shop in Manila tomorrow for the finalization of the gown designs and measurements. I have 2 Farales gowns already, and am now making room in my closet for my third one. Hehe. Ayan, may ...

With nothing to do when I got home from work early today, I decided to clean my mess of a study table. Going through the drawer I came across the journal that I kept under lock and key. I've almost forgotten about it. My heart skipped a beat as I opened it with its key, knowing full well that opening it and reading past memories would rekindle some small amount of sadness, guilt, and anger. I was flipping through its pages when I my eye caught the thick red pen writing. I opened it and I was transported back to the year 1999. Argh. Had a knack for using the vernacular for poems, essays and journal entries. I love the fluidity of Tagalog prose and sentences, of how it comes together to form a thought. Hmm. Maybe I should write my next entries entirely in Tagalog. Anyway - I digress. I'm very candid about my life in this blog, but this is nothing compared to what I have written in my journals. They contain the inner workings of my true self. At the end of this entry, permit me to...

Friday shift. Twas our 4:00am lunch. Krissy, Louie, and I were at one side of the table facing the TV in the pantry. Kerry was on the other side facing Krissy. TV was beside the door. Halfway through my Pork Teriyaki, the door opened and in came... my cute geeky officemate... without glasses *himatay* Took all of my self-control not to smile stupidly as he passed by our table to the water dispensers located at the back of the pantry. My peripheral vision told me that Kerry and Krissy were looking at me with this knowing look. I felt my cheeks burning. Of course, Lucio was with us so I braced myself for the onslaught of hirits... "Hey, ----!" blah blah blah (hindi ko na matandaan yung flow...) still Lucio, "----, kain tayo." "Bakit Louie, susubuan mo ako?" said he. "Hindi..." Oh my God, ang poise ko...steady lang... "...pero si Rose, susubuan ka niya." I almost choked on my pork teriyaki... Kerry and Krissy couldn't help thems...

Just got home from work. Argh. Antok. Will update after a few days. I'm actually on leave today because I have a night-out: An impromptu high school batch reunion in Pier One Ortigas (tara na!) then some groovin' at Embassy later on. BUT parang ayaw kong lumabas...Season Finale ng CSI: Las Vegas . 2 hours. AND Quentin Tarantino is directing. Gademit.

*** Was supposed to post this more than a month ago because I was waiting for Mr. Pol Medina's response to my email... to no avail... so am posting it now... Bought myself the 17th issue of Pugad Baboy , along with F. Sionil Jose's My Brother My Executioner , a few weeks ago but I only was able to read through PB a few days ago when I was waiting for calls to monitor and rate. Halfway through it, I was suppressing my giggles to the hilt. Never fails to make people think I'm insane I kept on getting these weird, fearful looks by the other QAs in the batcave. Hehe. Lemme share 3 strips which really killed me... Kosa nga eh. Uhm, loko. at ang pamatay... Tinginang Brosia 'to. Jez wanna spread the gift of Pugad Baboy... laughter. Ciao, everyone! ***Get yourself a copy, dali! Get all 17 issues, I implore you. I have all of them. And for Php 125 @ , not bad...not bad at all. **strips are owned by Pol Medina Jr.

Nobody wants to have a twisted sunshine. I don't want one. I don't need one in my current frame of mind. But after much deliberating, and then accepting the inevitable, I have surmised that I have one... much to my chagrin. This twisted sunshine of mine makes me goofy-eyed. He plays tricks on my mind, and secretly, on my heart. When he lays a finger on my skin, I can't help but respond. My twisted sunshine is there when I need him, when I am in want. He gives me what I crave, what I pine for. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He makes me want to quit smoking. He is always in the background, blending in with the crowd, only making his move when he sees fit. I know he doesn't think much of me, except for the fact that we are friends. Check that. Fact... friends... ? Now it seems like I walk among faceless people. No direction. No destination. Everything is a blur, alas, once again. It's frightening because the urge to weep has left me. I don't feel the nee...

Brace yourself. Long post ahead. Well, not that long.. .just... long. Game na ? Game... Friday night found me in San Lorenzo village for April's despedida party. Twas fun and sad at the same time. Lots of pics, again. Hehe. Check it out in my Multiply account. Went home with puffy red eyes, a numb face and a freaking headache. Knowing that April will be flying back to Australia the next day was really heavy for our hearts, especially for Mishel . If I had Mayette for my soul sister, Mishel had April. You could see the sadness in Mishel's eyes. As a take-home present, Mishel gave April a scrapbook. Now, this is totally out of Mishel's character. It is NOT her to make a scrapbook. When we were going through the pages of the scrapbook, which contained old pep pictures, block pics, practices, gimmicks, it was evident to me that it was made with patience, love and affection. Mishel revealed to me that she did contact a lot of people for many of the pics. Haggled, pushed,...

Haaaaaaa! I found his blog. Pakshet. Thanks, Kerry . It's actually devoid of any pictures, design or tools, just entries. Actually the surprise was that he has one, but now that I've thought of it, why not? I like the way he writes. And it's wonderful that he relates so much about himself without ever really revealing anything. Talk about intellectually-stimulating. *grrrrrrrrrowl* Fuck. I've been owned. My friends know that I've this thing for cute men with glasses. Well, not really geeky but men who actually look and are smart. Not just some wannabe geek. He was this guy in the office that I've been eyeing: tall, nice fair skin, broad shoulders, wavy hair, beautiful eyes with long lashes behind the glasses. Never noticed him before until that one time in March in the pantry when I was having merienda with Lucio and he came in for a drink. I think Lucio noticed that I was looking too hard at the guy that he called him by his first name and made small talk. I...

Beautiful. Just gad-dem beautiful. *nearing sexual satisfaction now....*

We were called the Tres Kapitanas . We were bonded for life by our one true passion: dance. The 3 of us became captains of the CSB Pep Squad consecutively: Mayette came after me, and then Tricia. I was able to handle them both during my captain and trainor days. Our beliefs and ethics similar; execution always perfect, movements upbeat and self-assured. Then, 12 hours ago, Tricia, one of the truest friends I have, left for the US of A. For good. No more 'Lean Back' groove partner. I'll miss your kaputian. Sad, really. Dazed, Mayette and I spent the rest of the afternoon and early night in Megamall and Podium. I'm never good at goodbyes. Be safe, Tricia. Just do the rock-a-way.

Never knew my afternoons could get this hotter. And it's not even a weekend. But hell yes. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. *deep breath* I just love roller coaster rides. After the ride, can someone hand me a barf bag? Y'know, just in case...

Daddy! Happy Father's Day! Brought you flowers, and also the candles that you like, those scented ones that really smell good when burning. So, how's heaven? Your compadres keeping you company? Tong-its game every night, eh? Does the Johnny Walker taste better there? (Gee, I hope so...) Daddy... There never was a day that I didn't think of you, that I didn't miss you, that I did not wish you were still alive. I know you always check on me each and every night, making sure that my door is locked. I know because I hear the wooden planks outside my door creak and I'd hear the doorknob crank a little. It makes me sleep better knowing you were just outside my bedroom door. Before your passing, on weekend nights (and weekday nights as well) those wooden planks that creak, I avoid stepping on them when I'd sneak out for a gimmick with clothes in my arms and my heels stashed in the kitchen downstairs. For the longest time, I didn't think you knew. Until mama told me...

Fine. I don't really like doing these things but since it was aajao , I'd make an exception. Total volume of music files in my computer: 1980 songs, 9.7 days, 10.39 GB. Haha. I'm a music junkie, what more can I say? Last CD I bought: Latest CDs I bought were: Drip's Far Side of the World Thievery Corporation's The Cosmic Game Sneaker Pimps' Bloodsport Gary V's Soul Full Apo's Ten Years Together and Feet On The ground albums Song Playing Right Now: Roam by The B-52's . Reminds me of my high school days. Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me: Hmm. According to iTunes the 5 most played songs in my library are: 1> Breathe by Télépopmusik Reminds me of this 'one-night-turning-into-day' of absolute bliss. Was watching the sun rise in Boracay in front of Willy's with my cousins and friends, drinking strawberry champagne to end our 7-day stay on the island. Was not sober yet wasn't drunk enough. Perfect. 2> We Need A R...

*****Will not delete this post. This will be a reminder of how stupid and deranged I was for the past couple of months. Hehe. It was just an ordinary day for me, like every shift for the past month. I was fine. Until we saw each other today. It was so natural for you. Like nothing ever happened. Like we were just old friends that lost contact over the years... It was sad because you never uttered my name. It was like...you've forgotten it. I'm sorry, I didn't even stop when you called out to me. I just smiled at you and I walked away. I didn't want to stop and then fall all over again... But you have no idea how much I missed you; of how much I wanted to touch your face and your lips; of how much I wanted to hear you say my name. You have no idea... You'll never know.